How not to worry at all. How to quickly calm down from nervous tension

Stress has become one of the components of our lives. We are afraid of the boss, we are angry with the neighbors, we argue with the sellers. Constant stress is depressing. A person sees only gray colors, he has health problems. How to calm down and not be nervous, you ask? Below I will list simple ways fight stress.

How to stay calm before an important event?

So, in a week in your life should happen significant event. It could be an interview or a presentation of your work. Your future career will depend on how you perform. What to do if everything falls out of your hands, at night you can’t sleep and are constantly worried? The answer is simple: it is unlikely that you will take the position that you so dream about.

If you still want to succeed, stop being afraid. You must understand that you yourself can destroy your dream. Don't be dramatic. Do some breathing exercises. During the exercise, thoughts should only be about breathing. Inhale through the nose, exhale through the mouth.

Go for a walk before bed. During the walk, also try not to think about the upcoming meeting. Turn on your favorite music and enjoy.

Night sleep should be at least 7 hours. Don't eat at night.

To keep the body in excellent shape, you can take multivitamin complexes. They will help boost your immune system and strengthen your nervous system.

How to behave during an important event?

So, the long-awaited hour has come. Your future will soon be decided. You must remember that experiences are superfluous. Start your morning with a contrast shower, exercise and a delicious breakfast. All these procedures will cheer you up and set you in a positive way.

Set a few alarms in the evening so you don't oversleep. Leave the house early: it is better to wait for the start than to be late for it.

Feel confident when you enter the office. People around you will notice this and treat you differently. The back should be straight, the voice well delivered. Watch your gestures, facial expressions and intonation. Do not wave your arms too much, laugh for no reason or raise your voice. Speak calmly and be calm.

Be sure to bring water with you. You may need it during the performance. Feel free to pause for a few seconds and take a sip of water. This will help calm the nervous system and refresh you.

Do not rush to answer the question quickly. Scroll it over in your head again, and then give an exact and clear answer.

More than half of our fears are taken from nowhere. That is, we ourselves invented them, believed in them and began to be afraid. According to statistics, women have more such fears. They invent various fables for themselves and willingly believe in them. Take life easier and remember that everything depends only on us!

Inga, St. Petersburg

Psychologist's comment:

The worldview of a psychologist is quite different from the philistine. Psychologists are taught not only to hear the content, but also to feel the unconscious process.

This is a very useful skill, it helps to perceive the world much more widely and not to get into trouble. Now I will try to explain with examples.

Example #1.

If a guy invites a girl to a movie, then in 90% of cases this is not at all what he has in mind. And if we honestly voiced the invisible unconscious process, then the phrase would sound something like this:

Let's go to the cinema and then have sex?

(The top phrase is what the words say, and the phrase below the line is the subtext, the true meaning of this phrase)

Let's go to the cinema?

———————————————————————————

I like you! Let's go to the movies and then have sex?

It’s bad if a girl is not trained to perceive this process, because if she goes to the cinema, then most likely the couple will part, dissatisfied with each other and the evening spent. 90% of girls are well aware that when they agree to "go to the cinema", they agree not only with watching the movie, but give hope for the further development of relations.

And they don’t go to the cinema with those with whom they are not going to deepen communication. Or they stipulate in advance that it will be “only a movie”.

Let's go to!

———————————————————————————

I like you too. First, let's go to the cinema, and then we'll see.

Example #2.

When a gopnik on the street says: “Hey, kid, come here, you need to talk,” he doesn’t need to talk, but take away the money from the kid. If the kid really believes that he is only called to “talk”, he is not ready for the realities of life and will be dissatisfied with what happens next. It's good and right to teach guys that "talk" in some situations means a completely different thing.

I want to talk to you

———————————————————————————

I want to take your money

I brought the most simple examples. They are obvious to an adult, but not to a teenager. As we grow older, we gain experience, and those processes that we did not recognize in youth seem obvious to us in adulthood. And then we say to ourselves: how much I did not understand before!

Our life is permeated with such processes that we do not voice. Psychologists say that we convey 7% of information in words, and the rest is in what we do not voice. Let's look at this article from the point of view of a psychologist and see what new understanding will open up to us.

In this article, the feeling of fear and irritation is perceived as something harmful and interfering. No doubt, these feelings are very unpleasant and even painful. But my deep conviction is that their pain comes from the fact that we do not know how to handle them. We simply do not know how to deal with our fear and irritability.

Psychologists do not perceive feelings as enemies: we believe that any feeling is necessary and necessary, because it has useful purpose. Useful for us.

Fear and anxiety

A useful purpose of fear and anxiety is to warn of danger. Fear is necessary for us to recognize the danger and take action. He will be with us until the danger passes or until we learn how to take measures to prevent this danger.

Fear pushes us forward, makes us react, and not sit back. And in this sense it is very useful. Our task is to consult with him, not to get rid of him.

Another thing is that fear should not paralyze us, it should not control us, as in the example:

In a week, an important event should happen in your life. It could be an interview or a presentation of your work. Your future career will depend on how you perform. What to do if everything falls out of your hands, at night you can’t sleep and are constantly worried? The answer is simple - it is unlikely that you will take the position you so dream of. If you still want to succeed, stop being afraid. You must understand that you yourself can destroy your dream.

In this position, to advise to stop being afraid is the same as to advise a mouse to become a hedgehog so that the fox does not eat it. Unfortunately, such advice does not work, because it is not feasible. We can't take it like that and stop feeling. Such recommendations were ingeniously played up in the popular video "Stopit!" ("Stop it!"):

I repeat, fear will be with a person until he realizes what the danger is and takes action.

To take this example, how can action be taken? First you need to understand that part of the anxiety (healthy part = rational fear) is caused by an important event in a week, and most (irrational fear = neurotic fear) is the result of some internal process and does not apply to the present.
For example, this person has been afraid of disappointing his mother since childhood, or he was punished for deuces at school. That is, 99% of the fear of an interview refers to childhood, to an invisible process inside, and not to an interview at all. Childhood has passed, but fear has remained, and by inertia affects a person’s life:

I'm afraid of an interview

———————————————————————————

I'm afraid to disappoint my mother

And such a person will not be able to “stop being afraid”, no matter how they convince him. He understands everything, but he cannot, because the fear of his mother (dad, teacher) still sits in his head. If people could do this, then the psychologist would say at the consultation:

- Stop that! Stop being afraid now! Don't you realize that your career depends on this job interview!? Get up and sleep right now!

Thank God psychologists don't work like that.))

There are several hundred directions in psychology. And they have different ways dealing with fears. However, most of them have one thing in common: they work not only with content, but also with unconscious process.

One option is for the psychologist to help the client become aware of this process and take action - there, in the unconscious. Then half of the fears that the client has in life resolve themselves.

Irritation and anger

Irritation and anger signal us about obstacles. And they will be with us until the obstacle is overcome, until it prevents us from achieving our goals.

Let's take this advice:

Write a letter. When a lot of problems have piled up, nerves are at the limit. Take a pen and a sheet of paper. Write down everything that you don't like and that makes you uncomfortable. After that, the letter can be torn into small pieces or simply burned. Looking at the flame, believe that all problems are burning up like this sheet of paper.

If you have ever tried to use it, then you know that problems do not fly away from this. Only the person himself flies away - we are distracted, and for some time we can disconnect from problems. And when we return, all the problems pile up again. And so, the irritation reappears.

The psychologist notices not only the stated problem - irritation, but also the unconscious process (which is easy to realize) - "I can't cope."

I'm annoyed that problems have piled up

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I accumulate problems and do not know how to solve them in time

For a psychologist, the essence of the problem will not be to remove irritation, but to understand what the client is doing to make problems accumulate? The psychologist will perceive irritation as a signal, a symptom, and the reason lies a little deeper. The psychologist will perceive the client’s request to “remove irritation” in the same way as the dentist will perceive the patient’s request to relieve a toothache.

The dentist, of course, will relieve pain, but not at the expense of painkillers, but by removing the pathological process. Similarly, a psychologist, of course, will help with irritability, but not due to the fact that anger and problems will burn out in a candle flame, but due to the fact that it will help remove the cause of irritability.

Let's make a plan to solve your problems and see how quickly you can solve them.
Let's see which problem irritates the most and how to solve it as soon as possible.
Let's see how you accumulate problems and what prevents you from solving them on time.

Learn how you are!

As in the story with the dentist, the patient cannot fill his own tooth, so in the story with the psychologist, the client usually cannot figure out the causes of irritability himself. Indeed, we know more about how to fill a tooth than about where feelings come from.

The average person spends more time learning how to use a computer than learning how to use their own head. Therefore, ideas about the work of the psyche in our society are very naive. This means that the decisions made about how to deal with problems are also very naive.

The psychological worldview is fascinating and very useful thing. This approach allows you to see the problem deeper - in its entirety. Do not be deceived by the size of the tip of the iceberg, but feel what is really happening. Then our decisions become deep and wise, even if they concern such simple things as fears and irritability.

Alexander Musikhin, counseling psychologist, psychotherapist, trainer, writer

How to calm down if you are very nervous, it becomes topical issue everyday life. External conditions throw up more and more stress, and internal system not ready for recycling and environmentally friendly reaction to the resulting load. But from such general condition humanity should look for a way out in independently determining the area that personally causes your discomfort and makes you nervous. It is possible to designate several common causes, decomposed into separate individual.

Increased sensitivity to the responses of the outside world increases the threshold and the likelihood of a stressful situation. With a developed, inability to perceive criticism, the desire to take everything personally, even everyday worries can cause nervous feelings (when the crowd laughs nearby, thoughts will arise whether it’s over you, the disapproving look and rudeness of the seller will be perceived as a personal insult). Reducing the importance of the opinions of others and the desire to evoke only a positive assessment from everyone significantly reduces the level of stress, saves a lot of energy and establishes true contact with reality, where it turns out that no matter what you do or how you look.

The desire for constant enjoyment, bringing things to an ideal state, complete independence and increased responsibility can provoke chronic high level internal stress. In this state, everything is capable of pissing off, not to mention significant problems. Therefore, it is relevant to constantly pay attention to the level of one's workload and emotional comfort, to search for one's own sources of stress relief, so that in a crisis situation one does not look for options on how to quickly calm down and not be nervous.

You can look for options on how to calm down if you are very nervous for a long time and carefully, some you will discard because of their duration, some because of inaccessibility, some because of reluctance. In fact, you can unlock it for a long time and with the help of any excuses, but in practice there are a sufficient number of ways to cope with frizzy nerves quite simply and quickly.

In the fight against nervousness, sports, physical activity and general work with the body are an invaluable ally, since it is the somatic side that takes the maximum part in responding to the emerging nervous tension, changes in hormonal balance and processing of spilled adrenaline. Incorporate into your daily routine, if not a full-fledged workout, then exercise or walking, instead of sitting in front of the screen and driving. The more movements you make, the more opportunity your nervous system will get to process the accumulated stress. After a difficult conversation or an unpleasant event, when the passions inside have not subsided, it will help to throw out the negative ones by jogging or beating a pear, and then you can arrange a relaxation session in the form of stretching, massage or calm lying and conscious muscle relaxation.

In addition to physical activity, our body, and therefore the psyche, depends on water metabolism and the fullness of the body. The common advice to drink water, no matter how ridiculous it may seem, is one of the most effective, even in situations of serious and extreme stressful situations. In an adrenal crisis, the body needs large quantity water to normalize the level of the jumped hormone, you can add a sweetener to the water, since stressful situations include increased brain work to find a way out of the situation, and this work is associated with the absorption of glucose. Replenishment of hydrolytic and glucose balance helps the body to normalize faster. In addition to crisis conditions, drinking ordinary water helps to avoid dehydration (almost a universal phenomenon in modern world), which, at its pronounced stage, enhances the experience of anxiety and. In general, focusing on the needs of your body and a subtle sense of its changes can prompt your personal ways How to quickly calm down and not be nervous.

In a situation where you are nervous right now, and you need to react calmly, try to distract yourself from the words and intonations flying in your direction and concentrate on something else. You can guide your inner attention not only by directing it into conflict, but by switching it to considering the details of the cut of your neighbor’s jacket and thinking about where to get the same buttons, you automatically leave the nervous situation by a few percent. Ideally, the irritating situation must be left completely, and not only mentally, i.e. if you meet an ex at a party and cannot react calmly, then leave if the boor is in the habit of taking you out of peace of mind comments on the social network, then throw it in the ban. Trying to endure and trying to create an imaginary image of a well-mannered person should not be confused with adjusting and the desire to be comfortable. In any situation, your living space and mental well-being are your care and responsibility, superheroes who save you from hassle will not appear.

If, having got out of an unpleasant situation, your nerves are still stretched like ropes, then you can deal with the remaining tension by plunging into other things. It is worth choosing them in such a way as to completely carry away into another world - watching a movie is hardly suitable here, because the same mental scrolling of events will continue in the head as without it. Sport game, unraveling the intrigue among friends, traveling to the suburbs for new photos - active, dynamic, captivating you completely and igniting the fire of excitement.

Crying and laughter help to stop being nervous - with the help of the first one, you release excessive tension and get great result peace of mind after half an hour of sobbing, while by other methods you can spend a day; and with the help of the second (especially sarcasm, irony, black humor), the situation is reduced in importance, and perhaps even acquires new outlines and nuances.

Learn how your personal nervousness works, what touches you, and what helps you stay normal. Situations that threaten your peace of mind can be tried to be excluded, edited into acceptable forms, or prepared for them. Naturally, being fully armed and never freaking out is not subject to anyone, but you can minimize the damage by doing research on your own. inner world, sore spots and blind spots, as well as engaging in preventive ongoing maintenance of the condition nervous system. Maintaining and taking care of yourself is not difficult and includes fairly general principles of healthy eating and satiety. various trace elements, maintaining an activity regime, caring for the quality of sleep and rest.

How to learn to calm down and not be nervous after a quarrel?

A quarrel, especially with close people, is unbalanced, but at the same time it requires quick calming down so that a subsequent constructive dialogue and the search for ways of reconciliation are possible. During nervous excitement, our breathing changes, and calming should begin with the stabilization of the respiratory process. During a quarrel, we tend to breathe too often, too deeply, exposing the body to hyperventilation, then for several minutes you need to control the duration of inhalation and exhalation, forcibly stretching the duration and normalizing the depth. If the quarrel is frightening in nature, then involuntary cessation of breathing is possible due to reflex mechanisms (hide, pretend to be dead so as not to suffer). Restore the integrity and coherence of breathing - your task is to achieve breathing without pauses, so that the inhalation flows smoothly into the exhalation.

You can leave the house to ventilate. It's important to let your partner know that you'll be back after calm has been restored so your behavior isn't misinterpreted. While walking, you will be able to assess the situation without the influence of another person and emotional pressure, it can also relieve emotional stress by running, shouting, tearing paper. If you don’t have the opportunity to physically leave the common space, then take a time out in sorting out the relationship, let it be half an hour of silence, during which no one makes claims and does not put up. Stopping and leaving the active phase will help restore your condition, reduce the amount of time required for rehabilitation, and also save you from unnecessary words, decisions and actions made under the influence of feelings.

In the period after a quarrel, when the jitters do not let you go, direct your attention to relieving tension. If you didn’t say some words, then write them in a letter (then re-read it in a calm state and decide whether to show it to the addressee), feelings can be expressed in colors, movement. If there is an opportunity and an appropriate level of trust, then you can talk about the situation with a friend, just do not ask for advice, but ask for support. Contact with water helps to get rid of negative experiences - take a shower, washing away the nervous negativity, or at least rinse your face or palms, hold them under running water- will give a little calm, a break in thoughts rushing with a sweeping stream.

Relieving stress after an argument with alcohol may seem like a tempting idea, especially for those for whom a showdown ended in a breakup, but resorting to this option is undesirable. Negative feelings will not be lived through, but pushed deep into the psyche, problems will not be solved, but the physical and mental state may worsen.

Keep in mind that quarrels are a normal process for relationships. If it is easy for us to remain always friendly with unfamiliar people, then this is only due to the short time of contact and common claims, and even then, if someone encroaches on what is significant for you, then a showdown cannot be avoided. In close relationships, quarrels are an indicator of closeness and the process of grinding to each other, who how this period passes depends on the mental characteristics and capabilities of people, but there are no relationships without quarrels. The only thing that can please you here is that a person who is not indifferent to you makes claims, swears and tries to do good. We do not waste our neurons on the indifferent.

Anxiety and restlessness interfere with normal Everyday life and well-being. People who experience feelings of anxiety are often agitated and scared. There are many ways to stop being nervous and feel better right now. Various Methods self-help and new look life will help you reduce the likelihood of anxiety in the future. If anxiety haunts you every day, then seek help from a psychotherapist.

Steps

Quick Ways to Reduce Anxiety

Breathe deeply. Deep breathing is one of the most effective ways to quickly reduce anxiety. You can breathe deeply anywhere, and the result is noticeable in a few minutes.

Find a quiet place and sit or lie down in a comfortable position to breathe deeply.
Place your palms on your stomach just below your chest.
Take a deep, slow breath as you count to five. Concentrate on breathing air into abdominal cavity and not in the chest.
Hold your breath for a few seconds, then exhale slowly.
Slowly inhale and exhale with the participation of the abdomen for 5-10 minutes.
Evaluate the result of the exercise. For some people, focusing on the breath often leads to oversaturation of the lungs with oxygen, resulting in increased anxiety.

Use progressive muscle relaxation. progressive muscle relaxation- another fast way reduce anxiety levels. The essence of the exercise is as follows: you need to alternately strain and relax the muscles of the body from the tips of the toes to the crown of the head.
- First you need to lie down in a comfortable place.
- Next, close your eyes and bend your fingers to tighten the muscles in your toes.
- Then relax your fingers and tighten your feet.
- After that, relax the muscles of the foot and move on to the calf muscles.
- Continue to alternately tense and relax the muscles of the whole body until you reach the forehead.
- Do not try to express feelings through SMS or messages in in social networks. The best option- meet in person or talk on the phone. Also, a video call (for example, via Skype) is a good way out if you do not have the opportunity to see each other otherwise.
Maintain physical activity. Any physical activity has a calming effect. Charging will become effective way cope with anxiety, so you can also do exercise. Choose any exercise and give them at least 30 minutes every day.

Visualize peaceful scenes. If you imagine a calm place, then you can quickly pull yourself together. Imagine your favorite corner in detail, including appearance sounds, smells and even sensations. Stay in this place for as long as necessary.
- For example, you can imagine that you are in a meadow in summer. Beautiful wild flowers bloom all around you, grass and plants exude a sweet fragrance, the air is filled with the rustle of stems, and the warm rays of the sun gently caress your skin.
Get distracted. Distract yourself to another activity to ease your anxiety. Force yourself to do something else that will take your attention in case of anxiety. After 10-15 minutes, the alarm will begin to recede.
- For example, start reading a book, take a relaxing bubble bath, play with your cat, or clean up your desk.
Use soothing essential oils. Lavender has long been known to help reduce anxiety in times of stress (such as before an exam). Carry a lavender lotion or bottle with you. essential oil to inhale the scent of lavender when needed.

Listen to relaxing music. Calm music also helps to reduce overall levels of anxiety. Music therapy is also effective for patients who are waiting for surgery.
- Turn on relaxing music like jazz and classical or your favorite songs.
Relaxing self-help techniques
1. Ask yourself questions that challenge your feelings of anxiety. Try to come up with a list of objective questions that will help you challenge your concerns. Trying to find a rational explanation for anxiety will help to weaken its hold on you. Ask yourself these questions:
  - What evidence supports cause for concern?
  - What facts show that the situation is better than it seems at first glance?
  - What is the probability of the worst case scenario?
  - What is the most likely outcome?
  - What advice would I give to a friend if he were in my position?
2. Highlight certain time for worry. Everyone worries from time to time, so you can set aside a little time each day for worrying. This will help you limit your anxiety and not suffer from it all day long.
  - Set aside 15-30 minutes a day for worry and anxiety. It is best to use the same time and place every day.
  - If the alarm occurs at another time, write down the reasons. Remind yourself that you will have some time to worry about this later.
  - Reflect on your anxiety at such times. It may well be that by this time some of the causes for alarm may have disappeared or become less significant.
3. Write down your feelings. Recognize your feelings and write them down in a notebook to reduce anxiety. If you're worried, just write down how you feel. You can start a diary and write down all your anxious thoughts in it. There are different ways to organize thoughts in a diary. So, you can divide the page into three columns.
  - In the first column, give answers to the questions: What is happening? What is the essence of the situation? You also need to indicate where you are, what you are doing, who is next to you at a particular moment, and other details.
  - In the second column, let's answer the question "What am I thinking about?". Here, list the thoughts and worrisome experiences that come to your mind.
  - In the third column, answer the question “How excited am I?”. So, you can rate the level of anxiety on a scale from 1 (not worried at all) to 10 (extremely worried).
4. Remind yourself that these feelings are temporary. Sometimes, in moments of anxiety, it may seem that you will never feel better. Feelings like this are frightening, so remind yourself that anxiety is a temporary feeling.
  - Say to yourself, “This won’t be long,” or, “It will all be over soon.”
5. Direct your thoughts into the present moment. Focusing on the past or the future can be anxiety-provoking, so learn to think about the present to keep your anxiety at bay. By focusing on the present, it will be easier for you to solve current problems and current tasks.
Specialist help and treatment
1. Cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy seeks to change your thoughts and behavior in order to reduce anxiety. In cognitive therapy sessions, an experienced therapist will teach you to recognize, question, and replace the negative thoughts that cause and increase feelings of anxiety.
  - For example, you may find yourself thinking “I will fail” often, causing you to feel anxious and restless. Through cognitive behavioral therapy, you will learn to recognize such thoughts and question them or replace them with positive ideas like “I will do my best.”
  - Cognitive therapy sessions can only be conducted by a qualified psychotherapist. You should consider cognitive therapy as one of your treatment options.
2. exposure therapy. This treatment option allows you to face the fears that contribute to anxiety. The intensity or duration of exposure gradually increases, resulting in a decrease in the level of anxiety along with a feeling of fear.
3. Medicines. Several methods are used to treat anxiety. different types medications if the person has difficulty controlling their anxiety levels in other ways. You should know that only a psychiatrist (a doctor who specializes in mental illness) can prescribe medications. The following options are possible:
  - Benzodiazepines. These are the most common sedatives. They quickly reduce anxiety levels, but can be addictive. It is best to use such remedies only in extreme cases. Examples include Alprazolam, Diazepam, Clonazepam and Lorazepam.
  - Antidepressants. Some antidepressants help reduce anxiety, but they take four to six weeks to start working. For the treatment of anxiety, Zoloft, Paxil (Paroxetine), Prozac (Fluoxetine), Escitalopram, and Citalopram are most commonly used.
  - Buspirone. it medicine is a mild sedative that starts working after about two weeks. It differs from benzodiazepines only in a milder effect and less side effects. Buspirone is also less likely to cause addiction.
  - Beta blockers. Some high blood pressure medications, known as beta-blockers, also help manage the physical symptoms of anxiety. They are thought to be used off-label since beta-blockers are mainly prescribed for heart problems and high blood pressure. Examples include "Atenolol" and "Propranolol".

September 14, 2014 --- Anna |

For those who are faced with sudden (frequent) mood swings, who can write to themselves - “I’m freaking out all the time, but I don’t see any reason”, and often - “when I calm down - I see that it was possible to do without screaming / swearing / tears”, it is important figure out: what happened, that you began to freak out "seemingly for no reason."

Below is a list of 5 of the most popular reasons why even little things can annoy you, why you can’t do without “nuts”, and how to stop freaking out and nervous about little things.

1. Causes - physiological.

As one of the first options to consider is physiology. You need to check:

thyroid condition,

Hormonal background (tests for hormones).

As a rule, if the matter is in the thyroid gland, then taking the drugs that the doctor will prescribe will help you quickly notice the difference. People become calmer, less and less often they break into a cry or stop “just a little - immediately into tears”.

Trite, but true. The first step is to go to the clinic.

2. The reason is a change in lifestyle.

Strong stress can give “failures” on all fronts. In fact, if you:

got married / got married
- changed their place of residence
- changed job, social circle,
- started to study or first time to work,
- have recently given birth to a child / the composition of the family has changed,

It makes sense that you are stressed. And if you don’t listen carefully to him, don’t help yourself, then you can go pretty far - with outbursts of rage or tears.

3. The reason is in the monotony.

Most often, such a “crazy - I can’t do anything”, with irritation at the sound of a teaspoon or loved ones noisily drinking tea, is experienced by those who, due to circumstances, feel the need for more variety.

Routine work, the need to sit “within four walls” with a small child, “forgetting” your needs (even the smallest and most banal - at least once a month to go to the cinema / theater, meet friends) sooner or later leads to “crazy ".

4. Less obvious reason: You have entered a quiet period of life.

It is precisely this reason that is discovered by those who nevertheless reach a psychologist or psychotherapist. As a rule, this period is preceded by very difficult, costly relationships, difficult circumstances and traumatic events.

Once upon a time (or even recently) it was really necessary to “get together and cope”. But this does not mean that your feelings about this have disappeared along with the traumatic events. With a high probability, if you were worried:

A painful divorce, the end of a difficult relationship,
- betrayal of loved ones, business partners,
- rape or attempted violence against you,
- any other events that your psyche “cannot cope with”,

then in a calmer atmosphere, when everything is already behind, previously crushed and unrecognized feelings rise. This is normal and it goes away, both with the help of a specialist and without it (longer), or with the support of friends and family. Stock up on patience!

5. The reason is in the future.

A person's problem may not be where he expects. Plans, (even for the better!), a potential move to another country, the need to apply to a university or buy an apartment - all this can cause a state of “constantly freaking out” in the present moment.

As a rule, it is enough to admit that what you have to do is really a serious and important, difficult matter. And you are really worried, because you want to do it well, so that everything will work out for you. It is also desirable to somewhat reduce the “heat of passions”, reduce its significance, provide for ways of retreat and various options development of events.

By acknowledging that you are worried “about the future”, you can stop freaking out and constantly worrying about current little things.

Similarly, young mothers can worry about the health and well-being of the child (it’s a good thing), but “take out the brain” of loved ones for a reason and without much reason.

6. The reason is the type of nervous system.

Easily excitable people, as a rule, already know about this peculiarity of theirs, and are familiar with the state of “crazy all the time” from the very beginning. early childhood. If this condition has not manifested itself in you, and you have known it for a long time, then it is worth choosing strategies on how to act in different situations if you are “covered” or “carried”.

Mini-instruction for those who often freak out and get nervous

a) Look at your health. Check your thyroid and hormones. Check whether you take care of yourself, whether you sleep on time, whether you eat well, whether you have enough entertainment, whether you observe a banal work and rest schedule. If there are no violations, go to the next paragraph.

b) Think about how long ago the state of “crazy all the time” appeared. If it has been known for a long time, develop strategies on how to be yourself in this world and continue to interact with it. If recently, see further.

c) Take a closer look at your “life line”. Imagine events in one row - the past, the potential future. If you have had serious difficulties and experiences in the past, treat it with respect. It takes time to "psych out" experiences that have been stopped. If a change of circumstances is planned in the future or you want to achieve a big goal, reduce its importance!

I will explain how to keep calm and composure in any life situation without the help of sedative pills, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress states of nervousness and calm down, but also explain how you can stop being nervous at all, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general, about how to calm your mind and how strengthen the nervous system.

The article will be built in the form of consecutive lessons and it is better to read them in order.

Nervousness and jitters, this is the feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and events, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and just worry about every little thing. It is important to understand that nervousness has both psychological and physiological causes and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is connected with the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to experience, overestimation of the significance of certain events, a feeling of insecurity in oneself and what is happening, shyness, excitement for the result.

We begin to get nervous in situations that we consider either dangerous, threatening our lives, or, for one reason or another, significant, responsible. I think that the threat to life, not so often looms before us, the townsfolk. Therefore, I consider situations of the second kind to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. The fear of failing, of looking inappropriate in front of people, all of these make us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological setting, it has little to do with our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let's start with understanding the nature of nervousness.

Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. A necessary defense mechanism or a hindrance?

Our palms begin to sweat, there may be tremors, increased heart rate, increased pressure in thoughts, confusion, it is difficult to get together, concentrate, it is difficult to sit still, I want to take something with my hands, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. Now ask yourself, how much do they help you out? Do they help you deal with stressful situations? Are you better at negotiating, taking an exam, or talking on a first date when you're on edge? The answer is - of course not, and moreover, it can screw up the whole result.

Therefore, it is necessary to firmly understand to yourself that the tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it is simply some kind of mental mechanism fixed in the system of habits and / or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the impact of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why remove it? Because when you're nervous:

Your thinking ability is reduced and you find it harder to concentrate, which can exacerbate a situation that requires the utmost strain of mental resources
You have less control over your intonation, facial expressions, gestures, which can have a bad effect on responsible negotiations or a date
Nervousness contributes to a faster accumulation of fatigue and tension, which is bad for your health and well-being.
If you are often nervous, this can lead to various diseases(meanwhile, a very significant part of diseases stem from problems of the nervous system)
You worry about the little things and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable in your life

Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has many examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand psychological pressure, lost control and lost concentration. So we will work with you on this.

Here is the first lesson, during which we learned that:

Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
You can get rid of it by working on yourself
In everyday life, there are few real reasons to be nervous, since we or our loved ones are rarely threatened, mostly we worry about trifles

I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.

You must set yourself up like this:

I have nothing to be nervous, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and it's real!

Don't think that I'm just arguing about something I have no idea myself. All my childhood, and then my youth, until the age of 24 I experienced big problems with the nervous system. I couldn't pull myself together stressful situations, worried about any little thing, even almost fainted because of his sensitivity! This negatively affected health: pressure surges began to be observed, “ panic attacks”, dizziness, etc. Now all this is in the past.

Of course, it’s impossible to say now that I have the best self-control in the world, but anyway, I stopped being nervous in those situations that plunge most people into nervousness, I became much calmer, compared to my previous state, I reached a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot to work on, but I'm on the right track and there are dynamics and progress, I know what to do. In general, everything I am talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I do not invent anything and only tell about what helped me. So if I had not been such a painful, vulnerable and sensitive young man and, then, as a result of personal problems, I would not have begun to remake myself, all this experience and the site that summarizes and structures it would not exist.

Lesson 2. Are those events that you consider so significant and important?

Think about all those events that plunge you into nervousness: your boss calls, you pass an exam, you expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, evaluate the degree of their importance to you, but not in isolation, but within the context of your life, your global plans and perspectives. What is the significance of a fight on public transport or on the road in a lifetime, and is it terrible to be late for work and be nervous about it?

Is this something to think about and worry about? At such moments, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, distract from the current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things that make you nervous will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, turn into real trifles, which they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your worries. This mental attitude is very helpful. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of the mind, can react in its own way. So let's move on and I'll explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation just before any event during and after it.

Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before an important event

Now some important event is inexorably approaching us, during which our ingenuity, composure and will will be tested, and if we successfully pass this test, then fate will generously reward us, otherwise we will lose. This event can be a final interview for your dream job, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this must be done so that this state does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.

And you realize that an important event awaits you ahead, but no matter how significant it is, anyway, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of your life for you: there is no need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is precisely from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not to worry arises. This is too much of a responsibility to let nervousness ruin it, so I will be focused and focused and will do my best!

Now we bring thoughts to calmness, remove the jitters. First, immediately throw all thoughts of failure out of your head. In general, try to calm the fuss and not think about anything. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale deeply and inhale. The most ingenuous will help to relax breathing exercises.

The simplest breathing exercises:

It should be done like this:

inhale for 4 counts (or 4 beats of the pulse, you must first feel it, it is more convenient to do this on the neck, and not on the wrist)
hold your breath 2 counts/beats
exhale for 4 counts/beats
hold breath for 2 counts/beats and then inhale again for 4 counts/beats - all over again

In short, as the doctor says: breathe - do not breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds hold - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds hold.

If you feel that breathing allows you to take deeper breaths / exhalations, then do the cycle not 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.

During the exercise, we keep our attention only on the breath! There must be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel that you have relaxed and calmed down. The exercise is done no more than 5-7 minutes, according to the sensations. With regular practice, breathing practice not only helps you relax here and now, but also generally puts your nervous system in order and you are less nervous without any exercises. So I highly recommend.

Okay, here we are, ready. But the time has come for the event itself. Next, I will talk about how to behave during the event, so as not to be nervous and be calm and relaxed.

Lesson 4

Depict calm: even if neither the emotional mood nor the breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, then at least try with all your might to demonstrate external calmness and equanimity. And this is necessary not only in order to mislead your opponents about your state on this moment. The expression of outer peace helps to achieve inner peace. This works on the principle of feedback, not only your well-being determines your facial expressions, but also facial expressions determine your well-being. This principle is easy to test: when you smile at someone, you feel better and more cheerful, even if you were in a bad mood before. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the more relaxed you want to seem, the more relaxed you actually become.

Watch your facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the principle of feedback obliges you to constantly look inward and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too tense? Are your eyes not running? Are the movements smooth and measured or abrupt and impulsive? Does your face express cold impenetrability or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from the senses, you correct all your body movements, voice, facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself already in itself helps you to gather and concentrate. And it's not just that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. By observing yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, do not let them go astray and take you in the wrong direction. This is how concentration and calmness are achieved.

Eliminate all markers of nervousness: what do you usually do when you are nervous? Are you fiddling with a ballpoint pen? Are you chewing on a pencil? Tie in a knot thumb and the little toe of the left foot? Now forget about it, keep your hands straight, do not often change their position. We do not fidget in a chair, we do not shift from foot to foot. We continue to take care of ourselves.

That's actually all. All of these principles complement each other and can be summed up in the slogan “watch yourself”. The rest is particular and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would only advise you to think about each of your phrases, take your time with an answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. No need to try to impress everyone accessible ways, you will produce it anyway if you do everything right and don't worry, work on the quality of your performance. No need to mumble and get lost if you were taken by surprise: calmly swallowed, forgot and move on.

Lesson 5

Whatever the outcome of the event. You are on edge and still experiencing stress. Better take it off and think about something else. All the same principles work here that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting itself. Try not to think a lot about the past event, I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, but if I spoke like this and not like that, oh, how stupid I looked there, oh, I'm a fool, but if ...! Just throw all thoughts out of your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if only), everything has already passed, put your breath in order and relax your body. That's it for this lesson.

Lesson 6

This is a very important lesson. Usually a significant factor in nervousness is the discrepancy between your preparation for the upcoming event. When you know everything, are confident in yourself, then why should you worry about the result?

I remember when I studied at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, I went to exams completely unprepared, hoping that I would carry it through and somehow pass it. As a result, I passed, but only thanks to the phenomenal luck or kindness of the teachers. Often went to retakes. As a result, during the session, I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying to prepare in a hurry and somehow pass the exam.

During the sessions, an unrealistic amount was destroyed nerve cells. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought that’s how much everything had piled up, how hard, eh ... Although it was my own fault, if I had done everything in advance (I didn’t have to go to lectures, but at least the material for preparing for the exam and passing all intermediate control tests I could provide for myself - but then I was lazy and I was not at least somehow organized), then I would not have to be so nervous during exams and worry about the result and that they would take me into the army if I didn’t do something I will hand over, as I would be sure of my knowledge.

This is not a call not to miss lectures and study at institutes, I'm talking about the fact that you should try not to create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think ahead and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and do not delay until the last moment! Always have in mind ready plan, but several are better! This will save you a significant part of the nerve cells, and in general will contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!

Lesson 7

In order to stop being nervous, it is not enough just to follow the lessons that I have outlined above. It is also necessary to bring the body and mind into a state of rest. And the next thing I will talk about will be those rules, following which you can strengthen the nervous system and experience less nervousness in general, being calmer and more relaxed. These methods are focused on the long term, they will make you less stressed in general, and not just prepare you for a responsible event.

First, in order to correct the physiological factor of nervousness, and bring the nervous system to a state of rest, you need to meditate regularly. It is very good for calming the nervous system and calming the mind. I wrote a lot about this, so I won't dwell on it.
Secondly, go in for sports and carry out a set of measures that support recovery (contrast shower, healthy eating, vitamins, etc.). A healthy mind in a healthy body: your moral well-being depends not only on mental factors. Sport strengthens the nervous system.
Walk more, spend time outdoors, try to sit less in front of the computer.
Do breathing exercises.
Throw bad habits! Learn to relieve tension without cigarettes, without alcohol and other things. Look for healthy ways to relax!

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