Active listening. Active listening techniques. Developing active listening skills

One famous parable says that man is given two ears and one mouth, which means people should talk less than listen to each other. It is important for a person to be heard, understood, and by listening more, many things and secrets are comprehended. Active listening is a method that has earned trust among psychologists due to its effectiveness and simplicity.

What is active listening?

Active or empathic listening is a technique that was introduced into psychotherapy by the American psychotherapist, creator of humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers. Active listening is a tool that helps to hear, understand the feelings and emotions of the interlocutor, direct the conversation into depth and help the person survive and transform his state. In Russia, the technique was developed and supplemented with various nuances thanks to the child psychologist Yu. Gippenreiter.

Empathic listening in psychology

Active listening techniques in psychology help to harmoniously build a conversation, discover the field of the client’s problems and select the appropriate individual therapy. In working with children this is best method, after all small child does not yet fully identify and know his feelings. During empathic listening, the psychotherapist abstracts from his problems and emotional experiences and is completely focused on the patient.

Active listening - types

Types of active listening are conventionally divided into male and female. Features of each type:

Male active listening– involves reflection and is used in business circles and business negotiations. The information received from the interlocutor is carefully analyzed from different angles, many clarifying questions are asked, since men are focused on results. Reasonable criticism is also appropriate here.
Women's active listening. Due to their natural emotionality and greater experience of feelings, women are more open and have more ability to be with the interlocutor, to be involved with him in his problem. Empathy cannot be faked - it is felt by the other person and gives him the trust to open up. Women's listening uses paraphrase techniques, an emphasis on spoken feelings and emotions.

Active Listening Technique

Active listening is a technique and at the same time a process of maximum concentration on another person, when all the subtleties and nuances in a conversation are taken into account: observing the voice, intonation, facial expressions, gestures and sudden pauses. The main components of the active listening technique:

Neutrality. Avoidance of assessments, criticism, condemnation. Acceptance and respect of a person as he is.
Goodwill. A calm state and attitude towards the interlocutor, encouraging him to continue talking about himself, the problem - contribute to relaxation and trust.
Sincere interest. One of the most important tools of influence in the active listening technique helps a person to open up more fully and clarify a problematic situation.

Active Listening Techniques

Active listening techniques are multifunctional and varied. In classical psychology, there are 5 main active listening techniques:

Pause. It is important for a person to speak out to the end and pauses are necessary in a conversation. This does not mean that you have to be silent all the time: assenting (“yes”, “uh-huh”), nodding your head are signals for a person that he is being listened to.
Clarification. When unclear points are used, clarifying questions are used to avoid overthinking the situation and to better understand the interlocutor or client.
Paraphrase. A method when what is heard is retold to the speaker in in brief and allows the interlocutor to confirm that “yes, everything is so,” or to clarify and clarify important points.
Echo utterance (repeat)– “returning” phrases to the interlocutor in an unchanged form - the person understands that he is being listened to attentively (you should not overuse this method in a conversation).
Reflection of feelings. Phrases corresponding to the person’s experience are used: “You are upset...”, “You were very hurt/happy/sad at that moment.”

Rules for active listening

The principles of active listening include important components without which this technique does not work:

the interlocutor must not be interrupted;
the question asked requires an answer, it is not recommended to answer or help with the answer, the interlocutor must answer the question himself - he must pause;
visual contact throughout the conversation;
Feedback is important: support, head nod;
When living with an aggressive person, it is important to allow him to throw them out until the end until he calms down.

Active Listening Exercises

Empathic listening techniques are practiced in psychological trainings in groups. The purpose of the exercises is to learn to hear another, to highlight problem areas, with which you can work. The trainer divides the groups into pairs or threes and gives exercises that can vary:

Active Listening Exercise. The trainer gives three group members different printed articles, timed 3 minutes, during which the material was read simultaneously by three participants. The task for the readers is to hear what the other two are reading; other members of the group should also hear and understand what all the articles are about.
An exercise on the ability to detect sincerity or pretense in the words of your interlocutor. The coach hands out cards with phrases written on them. The task of the participants is to take turns reading their phrase and, without thinking twice, continue the story on their own and develop the idea. The rest of the participants listen carefully and observe whether the person is sincere or not. If the statements were sincere, then others silently raise their hand that they agree; if not, the participant is asked to draw the card again and try again. Phrases on the card may contain the following content:

when they shout at me, I'm ready...
sometimes I am characterized by cowardice, recently I...
I have shortcomings...
I like myself...
people irritate me...
blank card (sincerely say about yourself what comes to mind in at the moment).

The Miracles of Active Listening

Empathic listening is a technique that can work wonders. Active listening technology is easy to use and requires conscious attention at first. When using the method in a family, amazing things happen:

conflicts that last for years disappear;
sincere and deep contact is formed between parents and children;
An atmosphere of warmth and acceptance by family members of each other reigns in the house.

Active listening - books

Active and passive listening - both methods are considered effective in psychotherapy and complement each other. For beginning psychologists and anyone who wants to understand people and establish sincere friendly connections, the following books will be useful:

“Learn to listen” by M. Moskvin. In her book, the famous radio host tells stories and talks about the importance of listening to your interlocutor.
“The ability to listen. The key skill of a manager" Bernard Ferrari. The abstract claims that 90% of work and family problems can be solved through active listening.
“The Miracles of Active Listening” Yu. Gippenreiter. Learning to hear and listen to your loved ones is the key harmonious relations in the family.
“You can’t dictate listening. An alternative to strict management" Ed. Shane. Effective communication is impossible without observing three rules: talk less, skillfully ask questions, express gratitude to the interlocutor.
“The Art of Speaking and Listening” M. Adler. The book raises communication problems. Listening – important aspect interactions between people. The book provides valuable advice and basic techniques for active listening.

Active listening is a special technique that allows you to fully understand the well-being of your interlocutor. This technique is often used by psychotherapists during sessions, psychological counseling or group therapy. Also, active listening techniques are successfully used by managers to increase sales.

History of origin

The concept of “active listening” was first introduced into use by Soviet psychologist Yulia Gippenreiter. She specialized in the psychology of perception, attention, and family psychology. Active listening techniques, in her opinion, have great value during conversations with loved ones, in the family.

Julia Gippenreiter published the book “Miracles of Active Listening”, in which in accessible language and simple examples demonstrated the importance of the skill of listening. Using this technique can put your interlocutor at ease, relieve tension, or create a calm, trusting atmosphere. Using this unique communication technique, you can achieve closeness with your child and become not just a parent, but a friend.

Basic principles

The ability to listen carefully is important not only for psychotherapists and psychologists. IN everyday life This skill can not only improve relationships with others, but also learn a lot of new and interesting things. This can be explained by the fact that people are more willing to talk than to listen. This way you can stand out from the rest.

Active listening can be compared with empathy, that is, the ability to empathize and feel the emotions of the interlocutor. In this way, mutual understanding is achieved. Any person needs to feel important and significant, and genuine attention gives him this feeling.

The active listening technique has many techniques in its arsenal. However, there are several fundamental principles that apply in all cases:

Neutral position. During a conversation, it is very important to try to refrain from judging the interlocutor or his opinion. Try to remain impartial, respect the personality and views of your opponent;
Stay calm. A friendly attitude towards the interlocutor is designed to ensure a conflict-free environment and atmosphere. When making eye contact, it's best to make eye contact politely, with a little curiosity. During a psychotherapy session, it is better to try to encourage the patient to talk. To do this, you need to ask clarifying or leading questions, but do not interrupt him;

Sincerity. When conducting a conversation, it is important to be sincerely interested not only in the topic of conversation, but also in the interlocutor himself. Even active listening techniques will not help if you do not want to listen to the person. You should not start a serious and important conversation if you are tired or irritated. In this situation, even the most sophisticated techniques will not be able to clarify the situation if you are not in the mood to listen carefully.

During a psychotherapy session or in a simple conversation, formal politeness can never replace genuine interest. At the same time, you should not force a person to reveal his thoughts if he himself is in a bad mood.

It is important to focus more on words than emotions. After all, the ability to listen and be imbued with the feelings and mood of your interlocutor is akin to empathy. Therefore, you need to be able to not allow other people’s emotions to take over you and try not to miss the essence of what was said.

Basic methods

The ability to establish contact and demonstrate your full interest to your interlocutor is very important. Active listening as a technique has many techniques. You must be able to sincerely empathize with your interlocutor and “pass” everything said through yourself.

View	Description
Pauses	Simple pauses can work wonders! They “push” the opponent to continue the monologue, give additional opportunity gather your thoughts. After this, the person can say something that he didn’t originally plan to say.
"Eye to eye"	During dialogue, it is necessary to establish eye contact. It is best to make eye contact or focus your gaze on the eye-nose triangle. Eye movements can tell us about the other person's reaction to our words or gestures. Also, visual contact contributes to the formation of a more trusting atmosphere.
Clarification	In some cases, clarifying what has already been said helps the interlocutor to more fully express his thoughts. This technique allows a person to hear what is said from the outside and further think about his words. Also, in everyday communication, this technique helps to avoid unnecessary “thinking out” and understatements.
"Retelling"	A brief but meaningful retelling allows the interlocutor to hear himself from the outside, once again evaluate what was said and, if desired, clarify or add something. At the same time, the listener tries to highlight the key points in his opinion using intonation. This is done in order to let the interlocutor understand what exactly you heard from his monologue.
"Echo"	This technique of active listening involves repeating the interlocutor’s last phrases, but with a questioning intonation. This way you kind of clarify the information. This method carries the following information message: “Did I understand you correctly?”

Algorithm of actions

Active listening is a process. Therefore, to implement this technique, you must follow the basic rules. With their help you can achieve better results.

Need to install
eye contact. It is extremely important and helps to liberate the interlocutor and tune him into your wavelength. Thus, you show your interest not only in the person’s words, but also in him.

Try to show your interlocutor that you are listening to him carefully. You should not be distracted by foreign objects or look him up and down. You can nod during your speech and ask clarifying questions. However, you need to be able to maintain a balance and not overdo it with “yes.” Don't try to finish the thought for your interlocutor. This does not tune one to the same wavelength, but it is annoying.

To achieve understanding, you can paraphrase your opponent’s expressions and sincerely try to understand his feelings and experiences. The emotional aspect in some cases is much more important than the informational one. This tactic is especially necessary when talking with a child.

Active listening allows you to help your interlocutor believe in your importance. This technique is important for patients with low self-esteem, it helps to overcome certain problems and find ways to solve them.

Hearing according to the “male type”

Active listening, like any other method of psychotherapy, has its ramifications. This is what reflective listening is all about. This is a style of conversation that involves the active behavior of the interlocutors.

Probably, everyone has had situations in their life when you told a person about something important, meaningful to you, and realized that they did not hear you, did not listen. Why? A person sits opposite you, looks at you, and you get the impression that he seems to be “not here.” Remember your state, your feelings at the same time. Most likely, you lost all desire not only to share something with him, but also to talk at all. And a state of depression and discomfort arose in my soul. This happens because we don't always know how to listen. What then is listening actually and why is it necessary at all?

Hearing - this is a process during which invisible connections are established between people, a feeling of mutual understanding arises, making the communication process more effective.

Listening can be passive or active.

At passive listening It is difficult for us to understand whether the interlocutor perceives our speech. At the same time, there are no facial expressions or physical reactions on the information received. It seems that the interlocutor is only looking at us, but thinking about his own things. Feeling of lack of involvement in the process.

Active listening helps to understand, evaluate and remember information received from the interlocutor. In addition, the use of active listening techniques can encourage the interlocutor to respond, direct the conversation in the right direction and contribute to a better understanding and correct interpretation of the information received from the interlocutor during your communication. This is especially important when negotiating and communicating with victims in an emergency zone.

According to one very common myth, listening is a skill that, like breathing, a person receives at birth and then uses throughout his life. This is wrong. Active listening can be learned, and listening turns out to be a more useful skill than speaking eloquently and persuading. If you skillfully ask questions, but do not know how to listen to the answers, then the price of such communication is small.

CONCLUSION: Thus, we can say with confidence that the ability to hear and be heard is important not only in our everyday life, but also directly in our work. For example, in minimal short terms dialogue with the victim to collect the information that is most significant to us (including information about the whereabouts of other victims). And this skill needs to be developed.

The listening process itself is of two types: passive and active. When listening passively, it is difficult for your interlocutor to understand whether you hear him or not, since this type involves dull, meager emotions, which means little involvement in the communication process. The active listening method emerged as a communication technology as a result of an analysis of the behavior of people who have the ability to achieve the desired results from their interlocutor during a conversation. For example, in order to correctly understand the information told to you, quickly isolate from the conversation what you need, and also be able to be a grateful listener with whom you want to communicate. These skills are especially important when working with victims. Any information coming from the victim can significantly reduce the time spent searching for others (in the case of working with an eyewitness to the incident), as well as understand the experiences, anxieties and fears of the person with subsequent prediction of the dynamics of his condition (the possible appearance of acute stress reactions, or a high probability of the formation of an active crowds).

There are several active listening techniques that can help you demonstrate interest and inclusion in your conversation with the victim.

Active listening - this is a process during which the listener not only perceives information from the interlocutor, but also actively shows understanding of this information. Sometimes you can also call these types of active listening.

Echo technology- this is the repetition of individual words or phrases of the client without any changes.
Clarification- a person does not always describe all the details of events or experiences in a story. Ask for clarification of everything, even the smallest details.
Pauses– when the person finishes speaking, pause. It gives you the opportunity to think, comprehend, realize, and add something to the story.
Message about perception– in other words, this is an opportunity to tell your interlocutor that you understand what he told you, his emotions and state. “I understand how hurt and hurt you are right now. I want to cry and feel sorry for you.”
Development of thought- making an attempt to pick up and move further the course of the main idea or thought of the interlocutor.
Message about perception– The listener tells his interlocutor what impression he made during the conversation. For example, “You are talking about things that are very important to you.”
Reflection of feelings– expression of the emotional position of the interlocutor based on the listener’s observations not only of what the communicator says, but also of what his body expresses “I see you care about this...”
Message about self-perception– the listener tells his interlocutor how his state has changed as a result of listening to “Your words hurt me”
Notes on the progress of the conversation– the listener reports on how to comprehend the conversation as a whole. “It looks like we have reached a common understanding of the problem”
Summary- carrying out intermediate results of what the interlocutor said during his monologue “So, we discussed the following: …”

Active listening techniques in the table

Active Listening Technique	Target	Characteristics
uh-huh - assent	make it clear to the interlocutor that he is being listened to	head nods “yes”, “uh-huh”, “yeah”
pause	help the interlocutor collect his thoughts and speak out to the end	timely silence
closed questions	obtaining consent or confirmation of a previously reached agreement	questions requiring “yes” or “no” answers
open questions	obtaining as much information as possible from the interlocutor	questions: “how”, “what”, “when”, etc.
paraphrasing	give an opportunity to the talking person see that he is understood correctly	phrases: "in other words…" “If I understand you correctly, then...”
summarizing	isolating the main idea (without accompanying emotions) from what has already been said by the interlocutor	phrases: "Thus…" “to summarize what has been said, then...”

“Uh-huh” - assent.

This is the simplest active listening technique. Anyone uses it almost intuitively. During a conversation, it is recommended to periodically nod your head, say “yes,” “uh-huh,” “uh-huh,” etc. By doing this, you let the interlocutor know that you are listening to him and are interested in him. For example, when you are talking about something on the phone, the use of such techniques by the interlocutor lets you know that you are being listened to. Silence throughout the entire story would make you doubt your partner’s interest in your information.

Pause.

It is necessary in a conversation in order to help the interlocutor speak out to the end. Firstly, a person often needs time to formulate his thoughts and feelings, and secondly, pauses free the conversation from unnecessary and unnecessary information. For example, when telling a story, a person most likely imagines it. And, in order to transfer a figurative representation into a verbal story, it is necessary to select the right words. And pauses here are a necessary means of “transforming” an image into a word.

Features of asking questions.

There are two types of questions: closed and open.

Closed questions are appropriate not when you want to get as much information as possible from your interlocutor, but when you need to speed up obtaining consent or confirmation of a previously reached agreement, confirm or refute your assumptions. Questions of this type require “yes” or “no” answers. For example, you can give the following questions: “Have you eaten today?”, “Are you healthy?”, “Have you been here long?” “Were you alone?” etc.

Open questions characterized by the fact that they cannot be answered “yes” or “no”. They require some kind of explanation. They usually start with the words: “what”, “who”, “how”, “how much”, “why”, “what is your opinion”. With this type of question, you allow the interlocutor to maneuver, and the conversation to move from monologue to dialogue. These types of questions might include: “What did you eat today?”, “How are you feeling?”, “How long have you been here?”

Paraphrasing.

This is a formulation of the same thought, but in different words. Paraphrasing allows the speaker to see that he is being understood correctly. And if not, he has the opportunity to make adjustments in time. When paraphrasing, focus on the meaning and content of the message, and not on the emotions that accompany it.

Paraphrasing can begin with the following phrases:

- “If I understand you correctly, then...”;

– “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re saying that...”;

– “In other words, you think that...”;

This technique is appropriate when the speaker has logically completed one of the fragments of the story and is gathering his thoughts to continue. You should not interrupt him until the fragment of the story is completed.

For example, your interlocutor says that he once came home tired, put down his briefcase and took off his shoes, and when he walked into the room, he saw a pot of flowers, broken and lying on the floor, and his beloved cat was sitting next to him, but he I decided not to punish her, although I was very upset. In this case, the paraphrasing technique can be used like this: if I understood you correctly, then when you came home, you saw broken pot with flowers and your cat nearby. But, despite the fact that you were upset by what you saw, you decided not to punish your pet.

Summary.

This technique summarizes the main ideas and feelings. This is, as it were, a conclusion from everything that has already been said by man. A summary phrase represents the interlocutor’s speech in a “collapsed” form. This technique of active listening is fundamentally different from paraphrasing, the essence of which, as you remember, is to repeat the opponent’s thoughts, but in your own words (which shows the interlocutor our attention and understanding). When summarizing, from an entire part of a conversation, only the main idea is highlighted, for which phrases such as:

– “Your main idea, as I understand it, is that...”;

- “If I sum up what has been said, then...”

For example, your boss told you that “due to the fact that relations with colleagues from Italy have become tense and may threaten conflict, you need to go on a business trip for negotiations, establish relations with them and try to conclude a contract.” Here the summing up technique would sound like this: “to summarize what has been said, you are asking me to go to Italy in order to establish contact with colleagues and conclude an agreement with them.”

The group is divided into threes. The first person in the trio tells the story, the second listens using active listening techniques, the third observes and gives feedback on how it looked from the outside. At the end of the work, each of the three parties shares their feelings. After all triplets have completed the exercise, a group discussion is held.

– Was it difficult to listen? Why? What was stopping you?

– Was it easy, was it pleasant to tell?

– What techniques did you use to show the speaker that you were listening and understanding him?

-Which technique was especially difficult for you?

– Did the speaker feel “heard”?

Rapport(emphasis on the second syllable).

Rapport involves “joining” a person through certain “channels”: intonation, rate of speech and breathing.

– joining by intonation;

The same words, pronounced with different intonations, can convey different meanings, even opposite ones. Even the simplest word “yes”, with different intonations, can carry a denial. Intonation is capable of conveying deep emotions (sadness, pity, tender feelings, etc.) and various states (indifference, curiosity, peace, anger, anxiety, etc.). Therefore, in order to be understood correctly, it is very important to monitor your own intonation.

For example, the phrase “I'm glad to see you” with different intonation it can have different meanings. In one case, we understand that the person is sincerely glad to see us, and in the other, that this phrase was said only out of politeness.

When communicating with the victim, joining by intonation sometimes gives a colossal result, as if identifying him and you, creating the impression of kinship, similarity, understanding of the victim’s condition, which greatly facilitates further interaction with him.

– joining according to speech tempo;

Pace includes the speed of speech in general, the duration of individual words and pauses.

Speech that is too fast may indicate excitement and high internal tension, even some kind of nervousness. Too slow and sluggish speech may indicate a depressed, apathetic state of a person. But in order to determine what state actually prevails in our interlocutor at the moment, this factor alone is not enough, since for some people, due to their temperamental characteristics, a fast or slow pace of speech is everyday. If the victim’s speech is very fast, we can gradually, by slowing down our pace, somewhat reduce the opponent’s nervousness and internal tension.

– connection by breathing.

By “joining” the interlocutor’s breathing, on the one hand, it is much easier to talk at the same pace with the interlocutor (since the rate of speech depends on breathing), and on the other hand, it becomes possible to change his emotional state by changing both the pace and his breathing. For example, an angry friend bursts into your room, outraged by something. His speech is fast, his breathing is rapid. And in this situation, in order to have the feeling that you hear the person and understand his feelings, it is necessary to join him both emotionally and in the frequency of breathing, and conduct a dialogue with him. After you understand that an interaction has occurred, you need to reduce your breathing rate and reduce the emotional background of your speech. After a while, you will see that your interlocutor is talking to you in the same way.

Reflection of feelings, empathy.

The concept of “empathy” means a person’s ability to experience the emotions that arise in another person in the process of communicating with him. This is the ability to imagine yourself in the place of another and understand his feelings, desires, ideas and actions.

To establish effective interaction, it is necessary to use the technique of “reflecting feelings”, and then the conversation becomes more sincere, a feeling of understanding and empathy is created, and the interlocutor has a desire to continue contact. The technique of “reflecting feelings” includes two directions:

– a reflection of the interlocutor’s feelings.

When you name the feelings that a person is experiencing, understand him and “get into” his feelings, your interlocutor feels a “kinship of souls”, begins to trust you more and communication moves to a qualitatively new level.

– reflection of one’s feelings;

Talking about your feelings can solve several problems at once. Firstly, negative feelings and experiences can be significantly reduced by the very fact that these feelings are voiced. Secondly, the conversation itself becomes more sincere. And thirdly, it encourages the interlocutor to openly express his feelings.

During the listening process, it is important not to forget about the vocal characteristics of a person experiencing a state of anxiety or nervous tension during a conversation.

Such characteristics could be:

unexpected spasms of the voice - which may indicate internal tension;
Frequent coughing can tell us about deceit, self-doubt, and anxiety. But we must not forget that coughing can be the result of respiratory diseases, for example, bronchitis;
sudden laughter inappropriate to the moment - can characterize tension, lack of control over what is happening.

All these features, of course, must be taken into account in a conversation, but do not forget that each person and his reaction is individual and does not always mean the same thing.

– Remember, were there any cases in your experience where your interpretation of a person’s condition, based on external signs, was erroneous?

– What did this lead to?

– How could you take such external manifestations into account in your work?

Like any other method, active listening has its pitfalls, the so-called common mistakes.

Let's look at some of them:

desire to give advice;
desire to ask clarifying questions.

The first can be dangerous because a person’s psychological defense mechanisms may “work” after listening to your advice.

Resulting in:

firstly, the person will most likely reject the advice you offer (no matter how good it is), or the responsibility for the decision will shift to you;
secondly, destruction of an already established contact is possible.

Asking a lot of clarifying questions is also not recommended for the following reasons:

firstly, there is a great danger of taking the conversation far enough from the topic that worries a person;
secondly, by asking questions, you take responsibility for the conversation on yourself, talk a lot yourself, instead of giving your interlocutor (the victim) the opportunity to speak.

How can you tell if the active listening method has helped you at work?

There are some indicators that are decisive for the success of using this method in a conversation:

Progress in solving the interlocutor’s problem.

A person, speaking out, begins to see possible ways out of a problematic situation.

Visible reduction in the intensity of negative experiences.

The rule here is that grief shared with someone becomes twice as easy, and joy becomes twice as great. If a person begins to talk more about himself or about an issue that interests him, this is another indicator of the effectiveness of active listening.

Types of Active Listening

Non-reflective listening

Conversation support using short audio clips or phrases (yes..., uh-huh.... etc.)

Reflective Listening

In this post we have combined several things: a description of active listening techniques (check yourself to see if you know and use everything), video excerpts from feature films in which one of the characters makes excellent use of active listening techniques, as well as tasks for them.

Everyone understands that active listening means the ability to listen and hear the interlocutor. But does everyone know how to use it masterfully? Let's check it out.

1. Open questions

By asking open-ended questions, you can get the most detailed information from the client and clarify his needs. Open questions begin with the words “what”, “how”, “why”, “which”, etc. This encourages the client to give detailed answers (as opposed to closed questions, which can only be answered with a clear answer: “yes”, “no”).

Examples

What product features are important to you?
What do you mean when you talk about..?
Why is this important to you?

2. Clarification

The name speaks for itself - this technique helps to clarify whether you understood the information correctly and to clarify the details of the question. You simply ask the client to clarify the points that are important to you.

Examples

Please tell us more about...
Could you clarify what this means for you...
I understand you correctly, you are talking about...

Exercise

Watch this clip from the film. Find episodes that use the Elaboration technique.

Active listening– a communication technique in which the role of the listener is to support the speaker.

Open question- a question that cannot be answered “yes” or “no”; a detailed answer is assumed.

3. Empathy

Empathy, or reflection of emotions, is establishing contact with the client on an emotional level. The reception allows you to create an atmosphere of confidential communication and show respect for the feelings of the interlocutor.

If during a conversation with a client you catch his emotions, you adapt to his emotional state and either strengthen his feelings or brighten them up, directing the flow of the conversation.

Examples

I understand your feelings and can help you solve this problem.
I see that you are in doubt.
It sounds like this is an important event for you.

Exercise

Watch an excerpt from the cartoon. Identify the active listening technique that the heroine uses.

4. Paraphrasing

Paraphrasing allows you to better understand the interlocutor’s thoughts, clarify information on certain issues, and move the conversation in the right direction. The technique consists of briefly conveying the information that you heard from the client.

Examples

In other words, do you think that...
You mean…
That is, you are talking about...

5. Echo

This technique consists of verbatim repetition of phrases spoken by the interlocutor. It helps to clarify information from the interlocutor and focus attention on individual details of the conversation. Thus, the client begins to formulate his thoughts more clearly, making the task of clarifying needs easier.

Examples

– Do you have diaries? yellow?
– Are the diaries yellow? Do you need dated ones or not?
– Dated.
- They are dated!

Exercise

Watch an excerpt from the t/s “Theory” big bang" Pay attention to the moments in which the Echo technique is used.

6. Logical consequence

The essence of the technique is to derive a logical consequence from the client’s statements. It will be better if you use the client’s wording when constructing a phrase. Its purpose is the same as the previous one - to clarify information and highlight details. The technique can also be used as a link before moving on to the presentation.

Examples

Based on your words, then...
I understand you correctly, you need...

7. Summary

At the end of the conversation, you sum up the results and summarize the agreements. The technique allows you to summarize and clarify important issues raised in the conversation, consolidate agreements and move on to the next stage of negotiations - concluding a deal.

Examples

Summing up the results of our meeting, we can agree on...
So, we have found out that the following criteria are important for you...
Summarizing what you said, we can conclude...

Exercise

In this excerpt from the film, both characters demonstrate excellent active listening skills, find all the techniques to carry on a conversation.

Please note that each video uses the “Empathy” technique, emotional adjustment.

This is no coincidence, because in ordinary communication between people there are always emotions. We trust those from whom we receive emotional support. Therefore, for those who want to win over a client, this technique is very important.

Happy Selling with Active Listening!

What distinguishes a person from an animal? . Man created language in order to express his thoughts, desires and feelings to others through it. This is where active listening becomes important. There are certain techniques and techniques for active listening, methods. Let's look at examples of how it manifests itself, and use exercises to show how to develop it.

People can rarely hear each other. Unfortunately, the inability to listen to the interlocutor leads to the fact that people do not understand each other, do not find solutions to problematic situations, disagree and remain with their grievances. This is why active listening becomes important when a person understands what the other person is saying to him.

You need to be able not only to speak, but also to listen. Success comes to people who know how to hear what is being said to them. As they say, “silence is golden.” But if at the same time a person is included in the understanding of the interlocutor’s words, then his silence turns into a priceless jewel.

What is active listening?

When talking about active listening, it is difficult to convey its full meaning. What is it? Active listening is the perception of someone else's speech, in which there is direct and indirect interaction between the participants in the process. A person seems to be involved in the conversation process, he hears and understands the meaning of the speaker’s words, perceives his speech.

To understand another person, you first need to hear him. How can you communicate and not hear the other person? Many people think this is absurd. In fact, most people are superficial and one-sided. While the interlocutor is saying something, his opponent is thinking about his own thoughts, listening to his feelings that arise in response to the words of the speaker.

If you remember, many will note that at the moment when they hear some unpleasant word, everything that is said after it remains unheard. Having heard a word that is meaningful to him, a person focuses his attention on it. He gets emotional, while thinking about what to say to his interlocutor. You may not even notice that the conversation has already gone in a different direction.

Listening is called active only because a person does not focus solely on his own experiences and emotions, but perceives the speech that is said by the interlocutor.

Active listening helps:

Direct the conversation in the right direction.
Choose questions that will help you get the answers you need.
Correctly and accurately understand the interlocutor.

In general, active listening helps to establish contact with the interlocutor and obtain the necessary information from him.

Active Listening Technique

If you are interested in active listening techniques, then you should read Gippenreiter’s book “The Miracles of Active Listening,” where he notes the critical role of this phenomenon. If people want to establish effective contacts with loved ones and people around them, then they should be able not only to speak, but also to listen.

When a person is interested in the topic of a conversation, he usually becomes involved in it. He leans or turns towards the interlocutor to better understand him. This is one of the techniques of active listening, when a person is interested in hearing and understanding information.

Other factors that influence effective active listening are:

Eliminating topics that are unclear to the interlocutor. This may include accent and speech impediments.
Unconditional acceptance of the opponent. Don't judge what he says.
Asking questions is a sign of inclusion in the conversation.

Active listening techniques:

“Echo” - repeating the last words of the interlocutor in a questioning tone.
Paraphrasing is a brief transfer of the essence of what was said: “Did I understand you correctly...? If I understand you correctly, then...”
Interpretation is an assumption about the true intentions and goals of the speaker based on what he said.

Through active listening, a person empathizes and clarifies information for himself, clarifies and asks questions, and moves the conversation to the desired topic. This greatly enhances the feeling self-importance, if a person is fluent in communication techniques.

Eye contact reveals a lot about what a person is interested in:

Contact at eye level indicates that the person is interested in the interlocutor and the information he gives out.
Looking at the interlocutor speaks more about interest in the personality of the speaker than about the information he gives out.
A look at surrounding objects indicates that the person is not interested in either the information or the interlocutor himself.

Active listening includes head nods and affirmative exclamations (“Yes,” “I understand,” etc.). It is not recommended to finish a person’s sentences, even if you understand him. Allow him to fully and independently express his thoughts.

An important element of active listening is asking questions. If you ask questions, it means you are listening. Answers help you clarify information, help the other person clarify it, or move on to the desired topic.

You should notice a person's emotions. If you say that you notice what emotions he experiences, it means that he is imbued with trust in you.

Active Listening Techniques

Let's look at active listening techniques:

Pause. This technique helps you think about what has been said. Sometimes a person is silent simply because he does not have time to think about something more than he originally wanted to say.
Clarification. This technique is used to clarify and clarify what has been said. If this technique is not used, then the interlocutors often figure out for each other what is unclear to them.
Retelling. This technique helps to find out how correctly the interlocutor’s words were understood. Either the interlocutor will confirm them or clarify them.
Development of thought. This technique is used as a development of the topic of conversation, when the interlocutor supplements the information with his own data.
Reporting perception. This technique involves expressing thoughts about the interlocutor.
A message about self-perception. This technique involves expressing personal feelings and changes that occur during the conversation.
Message about the progress of the conversation. This technique expresses an assessment of how communication between interlocutors proceeds.

Active Listening Techniques

When talking about active listening techniques, we are talking about understanding the words of the speaker more than they convey. This is the so-called penetration inner world speaker, understanding his feelings, emotions and motives.

IN everyday life This method is called empathy, which manifests itself on three levels:

Empathy is the expression of the same feelings as the interlocutor. If he cries, then you cry with him.
Sympathy is offering your help, seeing the emotional suffering of your interlocutor.
Sympathy is a good-natured and positive attitude towards the interlocutor.

Some people are born with an innate tendency to empathy, others are forced to learn it. This is possible through I-statements and active listening techniques.

To penetrate the inner world of your interlocutor, Carl Rogers offers the following techniques:

Constant fulfillment of obligations.
Expression of feelings.
Participation in the inner life of the interlocutor.
Lack of character roles.

We are talking about empathic listening, when a person not only listens to what is said to him, but also perceives hidden information, participates in a monologue in simple phrases, expresses appropriate emotions, paraphrases the words of the interlocutor and directs them in the right direction.

Empathic listening involves remaining silent and allowing the other person to talk. A person must distance himself from his own thoughts, emotions and desires. He completely focuses on the interests of the interlocutor. Here you should not express your opinion or evaluate information. To a greater extent, we are talking about empathy, support, sympathy.

Active listening methods are discussed on the website:

Paraphrasing is the retelling of meaningful and important phrases in your own words. It helps to hear your own statements from the outside or the meaning that they convey.
Echo technique – repeating the words of the interlocutor.
Summarizing is a brief transfer of the meaning of the information expressed. It looks like conclusions of a conversation.
Emotional repetition is a retelling of what was heard with the manifestation of emotions.
Clarification – asking questions to clarify what was said. Indicates that the speaker was listened to and even tried to understand.
The logical consequence is an attempt to make assumptions about the motives of what was said, the development of the future or situation.
Non-reflective listening (attentive silence) - silently listening, delving into the words of the interlocutor, since you can miss important information.
– establishing eye contact with the interlocutor.
Verbal signs - continuing the conversation and indicating that you are listening to it: “yes, yes,” “continue,” “I’m listening to you.”
Mirror reflection is an expression of the same emotions as the interlocutor.

Examples of active listening

Active listening can be used anywhere two people meet. To a greater extent, it plays an important role in the sphere of work and relationships. A striking example would be sales, when the seller listens carefully to what the buyer needs and offers possible options, expands the range.

Active listening in sales, as in other areas of life, is necessary to allow a person to trust and talk about his problems. When making contact, people have certain motives that are often unspoken. To help a person open up, you need to establish contact with him.

Another example of active listening is communicating with a child. He should be understood, his experiences should be recognized, the problems with which he came should be clarified. Often active listening is useful for encouraging a child to take action when he not only complains, but also receives useful advice, what can be done next.

Active listening is used in all types of relationships where the element of trust and cooperation becomes important. Between friends, between relatives, between business partners and other categories of people, active listening is effective.

Active listening exercises

Active listening should be developed in yourself. This becomes possible with the following exercise:

A group of people is taken and divided into pairs. For a certain time, one of the partners will play the role of the listener, and the other will play the role of the speaker.
For 5 minutes, the speaker talks about a couple of his personal problems, focusing on the reasons for the difficulties. The listener uses all the techniques and techniques of active listening.
Within 1 minute after the exercise, the speaker talks about what helped him open up and what hindered him. This allows the listener to understand his own mistakes, if any.
For the next 5 minutes the speaker should talk about his strengths, which help him establish contacts with people. The listener continues to use the techniques and techniques of active listening, taking into account his own mistakes made last time.
For the next 5 minutes, the listener must retell everything that he understood from both stories of the speaker. At the same time, the speaker is silent and only with a nod of his head confirms or denies the correctness of whether the listener understood him or not. The listener in a situation of disagreement with him must correct himself until he receives confirmation. The end of this exercise is that the speaker can clarify where he was misunderstood or misrepresented.
Then the speaker and listener change roles and go through all the stages again. Now the listener speaks, and the speaker listens carefully and uses active listening techniques.

At the end of the exercise, the results are summed up: which role was the most difficult, what were the mistakes of the participants, what should have been done, etc. This exercise not only allows you to rehearse active listening skills, but also to see the barriers of communication between people, to see them in real life.

Bottom line

Speech is one of the ways to build relationships and connections. Active listening is a method of successfully establishing contacts between people who are interested in it. The result of its use can please and surprise many people.

Culture modern communication quite low. People talk a lot, often without listening to their interlocutors. When silence occurs, most often people are immersed in their own thoughts. And when a conversation arises, people try to interpret what they hear in their own way. All this leads to misunderstanding and incorrect decision-making based on the results.

Developing active listening eliminates all communication problems. Establishing friendly contacts is the initial advantage of this technique.