How to get out of a love triangle? He, she and his mistress: how to get out of the love triangle? Love triangle how to be
The love triangle and what are its phases of development. And the topic of options for getting out of the love triangle will also be raised.
What is a love triangle? Most likely, these circumstances will cause a smile, but only when watching a comedy movie. But if such a situation appeared in life, then it is unlikely that it will be able to please anyone, because it carries with it the mental pain experienced by the participants in the love triangle.
If one of the participants nevertheless decided to get out of a confusing love situation, then it is necessary to understand how to do this without causing psychological damage to the injured party.
What is the development mechanism of a love triangle?
A trio is good, only for a musical ensemble, because there the participants perfectly complement each other. In a love triangle, everything is not so simple. This situation is similar to Russian roulette: will it shoot or not shoot?
This situation develops very simply. Consider the mechanism:
1. The appearance of a problem within a couple. Every situation always has some point of reference. A love triangle cannot come from nothing. Really, two loving people will be able to allow someone to destroy the idyll that they sought? Of course, there are exceptions, but they refer to Don Juan and ladies with the wind in their heads. Such people have different views on life, they are more free and do not see their obligations.
2. Exchange of fluids with a possible partner. Each of us first looks at the chosen person and this is completely normal. At first, simple sympathy arises, which will develop later and real love feelings will begin to appear.
3. Actual treason. The victim of a love situation that has arisen, often at first does not even know what is happening, however, sooner or later, another participant can give himself away.
4. Consequences that came with treason. Usually, either the victim simply accepts the fact of infidelity and comes to terms with it, or the relationship is completely broken and the parties leave the love triangle with psychological trauma. Remember the film by George Danelia "Autumn Marathon"? So the main character kept rushing between the women who were close to him. He never found a way out of the situation.
Be that as it may, the mechanism for the development of a love triangle leads to one. Sooner or later, the participants in this situation will have to make a choice and decide how to eliminate the conflict. If the problem is ignored, then there is a risk of a “point of no return”, that is, all participants in the love triangle will be at risk.
What causes a love triangle
In order to leave the love triangle without damage, it is necessary to understand the provocateurs of its formation. Consider the most common reasons for this situation.
The first reason, is the illusion of love. If a person does not feel true, deep love for his partner, then he may start flirting with someone else. At first, such flirting will be some kind of adventure that gives a surge of adrenaline, makes you feel the thrill. But if it starts to go further, then it can even come to infidelity, and this is already a real threat to the couple. In addition, it is not a fact that such a romance, backed up by passion, can someday develop into a real relationship. Remember, it is much easier to destroy relationships than to create them!
The second reason- Differences in interests. A couple must have unity of thoughts and desires. “Opposites attract,” says the hypothesis. However, although it has some logic, too different people quickly get bored with each other. For example, a man wants one thing, a woman wants something completely different, and this is how a conflict is formed. As a result, one of the partners begins to look for someone who will like his views.
Third reason- disrespect within the couple. Who likes a disrespectful and aggressive attitude from a partner? A person, naturally, will begin to look for more comfortable conditions and will find them on the side.
fourth reason banal revenge can act. For example, if a woman suspected her husband of treason (although this was not possible and the problem is contrived), then she, of course, wants to recoup her man's feelings. At first, just flirting with another man is possible, which can soon be strengthened by betrayal, and a love triangle will appear.
Sexual promiscuity- the fifth reason for the occurrence of an accidental love triangle. Of course, there is no love in such a relationship, and partners change at the speed of light. But still, how will all the participants react to this? Someone may not even like a protracted swinger party.
Next reason- This middle age crisis or in another way - the age crisis. For example, a woman, in order to (at least illusoryly) prolong her youth, can dramatically and radically change her image and style. Sometimes such changes simply reach the point of absurdity, this does not always please a man. Or another example, when a man begins to look younger, due to constant meetings with a young mistress.
Consider another reason: compensation for one's own inferiority. Even a caring spouse is always not enough for such people. They definitely need to be aware that they are loved by several people, because they see unfriendly views and conspiracies against them everywhere. Then they begin to look for a love relationship on the side, while not stopping the existing ones.
And the last, but also very common reason is the henpecked rebellion. If a woman dominates her man, then he may have a feeling of protest. He will want to take a secret revenge, that is, he will begin to change with the woman who will respect him.
It is important. Relationship psychologists advise taking wise actions and decisions to avoid the formation of a love triangle.It is better to neutralize the problem at its inception than to deal with it later and rake up the negative consequences that a love triangle can bring.
What are the types of love triangles
Experts in the field of psychology have studied the issue of love triangles in detail and have proposed the following types of the current situation:
First view: active love triangle . This type occurs when the participant, through whose vein a love triangle has formed, has two partners and at the same time values them both in different ways. That is, it can be stated that a person can indeed have deep feelings for two or more people at once. This situation rarely arises, because it’s not in vain, there is even an expression: if he loves two, then he doesn’t love anyone but himself.
Second view: illusory love triangle . In this form, usually a man and a woman are strongly attached to each other, either emotionally or physically, but at the same time one of the partners has a second relationship. Most often this is expressed in friendly relations with the opposite sex. Consider an example situation: a man and a woman are in a relationship, but the man has a mistress, who in turn is puzzled about how to break off his relationship with another woman.
Third view: consensual love triangle . For example, spouses are calm about the fact that one of them has a lover or mistress. There is no nonsense for them, they consider it normal to have connections on the side, they are never jealous of each other. In this case, the love triangle can even develop into a quadrilateral. For some spouses or just partners, it even adds passion to the relationship.
Fourth view: paradoxical love triangle . There are people who cannot live without constant betrayal. Change for them is like breathing. Such people consider their behavior to be adequate, and they explain this by the fact that people have only one life, you need to take the maximum out of it.
Fifth kind: career love triangle . People do not always go for treason because of the appearance of outbreaks of passion. There are also cases when people are led only by cold calculation. People go for treason when they choose an influential person as their "lover" in order to climb up the career ladder. A person does not even consider betrayal a betrayal, because everything that happens (as he himself believes) only positively affects his main relationship.
Sixth look: financial love triangle . This type is similar to the previous one, only such a novel has material wealth as the desired one. Sometimes both partners know about the betrayal and are quite normal about it.
Seventh look: humility of one of the parties . Do you know the actor Valery Zolotukhin? So, Valery had a relationship on the side, and his wife knew about it, but was silent. Valery made sure that she came to terms with the situation, therefore, even when Valery had a child from his mistress, the marriage still did not break up, the couple continued to live together. Moreover, no one knows the feelings of either his mistress or his wife, who tried to share Zolotukhin's attention among themselves.
Eighth kind: love triangle that keeps repeating . For example, a man and a woman were already able to cope with the current situation, but one of the partners again began to look for connections on the side and a love triangle formed again.
All the species presented above are very different in relation to each other. After all, the behavior of people is not the same. The great author, Leo Tolstoy, noticed that each of the families is unhappy in its own way. The main thing is to imagine and perceive the problem, as a result of which the love triangle arose.
How to get out of this situation
If both partners are satisfied with the existing love triangle, then they do not need any help.
If the problem is denied, then it is necessary to understand the current situation and find ways out of the love triangle. Moreover, we must not forget that in solving such problems, the main role will be played by the gender issue. A man and a woman should both do something to solve the problem, then the negative consequences will be minimized.
Any person can radically change his fate in any direction, in case something no longer suits him. Men almost never can understand how to stop the development of a love triangle so as not to suffer psychological damage. Psychologists say that men should do the following:
First, choice. Such a step concerns the organizer of the love triangle, who decided to “destroy” it. Often, it is the man who dominates in relationships, so he must clearly understand how to end the love triangle so as not to harm either his woman or his mistress. Of course, this is very difficult, since you cannot make both of them happy at once. One of the women will still suffer. But it is better to solve the problem immediately and on the vine than gradually. This will make it easier to deal with the breakup.
Secondly, a man must create a karmic direction. A man should clearly understand the whole meaning of this step. He must make a choice and inspire his partner that they must move together so that they do not have to seek solace outside of the main relationship.
Thirdly, constant composure. If the situation approaches a dead end, then the hair on the head should not be torn. A man must be cold-blooded in order to clearly be able to make the right decision. If a man is a victim in a love triangle, then the man must understand everything suits him or he is ready to put an end to the relationship. If a man is the organizer of a love triangle, then he must be able to correctly solve the problem that has arisen.
Fourth, the rejection of guilt. Remember the movie "Autumn Marathon"? It clearly demonstrates how quickly a vicious circle is formed in the current situation. A man must understand that he cannot be needed by everyone and everywhere. And it will be too late to apologize in the resulting situation, in this regard, it is necessary to find a reasonable solution to the problem.
Often, women are very different from men, they see the love triangle in a different way, they are able to endure for a long time and come to terms with the situation that has arisen, since they need to maintain relationships and families no matter what. But everyone knows that any patience can come to an end sooner or later. In this regard, women should know some advice from psychologists:
The first tip is to avoid blackmail. This method is good only when you need to play on the weaknesses of the victim and if you need to lure out what you want by any means. In addition, such manipulations are prosecuted by the law of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. Yes, and you should not resort to blackmail in love affairs, because it can only harm and even more repel a partner who has committed treason. A woman who decides to save a relationship or marriage should not hide behind, for example, her illness or the illness of her children, thereby blackmailing her husband. Otherwise, a man may decide to run away from problems and find peace with his mistress.
The second tip is heartfelt conversations. Men do not always like to talk, therefore, often, it is the woman who should lead the conversation process. If a woman realized that her man had a mistress, then she must understand the situation, be sure to talk to him about it. That's just to discard emotions. Screams, aggression and tantrums will be useless here. Otherwise, again, a man will seek harmony and balance from his mistress. A woman during a conversation should behave calmly, setting up a man for such a difficult dialogue.
Tip three - do not forget that life still goes on. This moment most often applies specifically to mistresses. There are a number of stereotypes about mistresses: they are prudent, cold-blooded, they try to harm the family and destroy it, steal happiness. However, this is not always true, because a lover is also a person and she also has feelings, she is also a victim in a love triangle.
Tip #4: Rethink your lifestyle. Evaluate your actions soberly when it comes to relationships with a partner. A woman is a wise being, she must always remain such that a man desires her. Usually, a love triangle arises either if the man is an inveterate womanizer, or if the mistress is much more cunning than his woman. If a woman can rethink her lifestyle, her behavior, then she will be able to return a man. But in this case, she will have to forgive and forget the betrayal, and this is another topic.
Tip five - turning into a vamp. Clearly evaluate the appearance of your man's mistress, then, most likely, you will find mistakes with howling style and image. If a man has preferred this or that type of women, then you need to change if the goal is to return him. Don't be hypocrites.
Tip six - take the advice of Andre Maurois. Remember the work "Letters to a Stranger". It is there that a perfect way out of the love triangle is shown. But such advice is not suitable for everyone, but only for those who clearly know that they want to return a man. André Maurois described a situation where a wife made friends with her husband's mistress and was gradually able to force her out of their lives.
The love triangle is a serious problem that sometimes takes years to resolve unless you act drastically. Although, most likely, the cardinal decision will be correct.
If the participants in the love triangle do not have any disagreements, everyone knows about each other and does not have resentment, then no advice is needed. But, unfortunately, most often love triangles bring a lot of suffering and psychological trauma. Therefore, you should decide for yourself whether this situation is acceptable at all.
How to break out "amorous triangle"? What do psychologists advise?
triple game
What is the difference between a love triangle and a banal betrayal? The depth of the relationship. Men and women can change with anyone and as much as they like, but only in a real "love triangle" the "official partner" and the lover (lover) play their parties with almost equal figures.
In other words, psychologists say, the "triangle" is not even a betrayal at all, but an alternative family model - "for three."
And if a lover or mistress can get bored after some time, then the connection in the "triangle" is very strong, lasts for years and causes suffering to both the one who deceives, and the one who is deceived, and the one with whom they deceive.
Who is extra?
If these sufferings have long been well known, what is the point in the formation of "triangles"? Sexologists say that the "geometric figures" of love appear for several reasons.
UNION WITHOUT LOVE. It seems that the spouse (a), friend (girlfriend) is a good person. Attentive, caring, behind him - like behind a stone wall, in the house - comfort, peace. There is tenderness, care, mutual understanding, patience, but you really want to flare up, swirl in a whirlpool of passion. The desire for love is realized in the creation of an "alternative family".
SEARCH FOR SECOND HALF. Very often, a love triangle appears where there are gaps in family life. For example, the wife cooks well, but is cold in bed. The husband is a wonderful lover, but a rude and callous person. And in the "other family" - the opposite is true.
INDEcision. The affair that once broke out grew and took root. Two lovers behind the third have already acquired their own history, acquaintances, it happens that they are children. And no one has the strength to give up everything and stay "with their own", because human nature is weak, and the ways of the "third superfluous" to keep a dear person next to them are extremely diverse.
What is dangerous
Do legal halves know about the "love triangle"? Psychologists answer: "They guess, but they can't do anything about it." After all, the "double agent" does not make attempts to leave.
The one who has changed also has a hard time: he is tormented by remorse. And the person with whom they cheated is tormented by the absurdity and strangeness of the situation - and not a spouse with him, and not a lover, and don’t understand what: like a close person, but belongs to something else.
The "love triangle" is dangerous precisely because you can't just get out of it, say: "I'm sorry, dear (dear), I went - (la), we will remain friends." Often only a psychologist can help get out of an ambiguous situation.
THIS IS WHAT THE EXPERTS ADVICE TO THOSE WHO ARE TRAPED "LOVE TRIANGLE"
DECEIVERS or DECEIVERS
Ask yourself the question: "Why do I need this? What attractiveness do I find for myself in a similar situation?" Perhaps you do not have enough family warmth, your partner “hooked” you with something. Or maybe he is simply blackmailing, manipulating you, does not want to let go, wants to have you in his property. Once you find the answer to this question, you can ask yourself another one: "Who is dearer to me?"
The answer to it is no longer so unambiguous - after all, each of the partners attracts you with something. And yet: write down on two pieces of paper the positive and negative sides of both (both) lovers. Connect your intuition - mentally imagine yourself with one and the other. If you really like a person, you love him, you will feel peace and tranquility, if not - anxiety and nervousness.
At the third stage, you must definitely make a choice in favor of someone who is really dear to you and stay with him.
After making a choice:
Do not succumb to the provocations of the abandoned side. Appeal to common children, happy moments, the threat of suicide, gifts, tears, flowers - just an excuse to "bind" you to yourself.
Leaving - leave. Don't "spread out" your skin care routine for weeks. Do not return to pick up a notebook, do not forget things, and in no case do not make love with the abandoned half "for old times' sake", do not call "on business". After that, it will be much more difficult to leave.
Do not try to fill the void in your soul with alcohol and spree. At this difficult moment, it is best to give all your strength and all your tenderness to the one and only family in whose favor you have made a choice. Believe me, your partner is also having a hard time right now.
DECEIVED or DECEIVED
You need to start dotting the i's as soon as you find out about your lover's romance on the side.
one. Do not be guided by the principle of "it will resolve itself." Maybe it will dissipate, or maybe it won't. Then you will become the hero of friendly jokes and will be forced to endure the "second family" of your partner. This is very humiliating.
Do not make scandals, do not beat the dishes and do not pack your bags. Calmly tell your partner that you know everything, that you will not tolerate this ambiguous position and offer to make a choice.
At the same time, do not make sudden movements - do not intimidate your partner (“Oh, you, so-and-so, I’ll give you now”) - the partner can withdraw and begin to deny everything (“It didn’t happen, it seemed to you”), after which the path to his (her) heart may be lost forever.
TO THE ONE or THE ONE WITH WHOM THEY DECEIVED
Have a conscience! Yes, there was an affair, yes, love broke out, but only in your power to cut this "Gordian knot" - after all, you were the reason for the creation of the "triangle".
Talk to your partner (partner), explain that it cannot continue like this, and she (he) will have to make a choice. If the creation of a "second family" for you is only a way of self-affirmation, and you least of all expect that a lover with suitcases will suddenly appear on the threshold - warn about this right away: so that he (she) does not have illusions about the future coexistence. Without prospects, as you know, love withers and dies.
Think!
The happiness of two other people depends only on your decency and generosity. Yes, ultimately yours.
Do not try to "bind" your partner with tears and threats. Better think about your own prospects. Psychologists say that very often people are disappointed in the "second family" - a pleasant pastime, even on a permanent basis, far from life, everyday relationships in everyday life.
Finally, evaluate the weak character and indecision of the partner, the one who has been "twisting love" for many years, not daring to tell the other half about it, and keeps both you and her (him) in a "suspended" state. This, believe me, does not honor the deceiver and overthrows him (her) from a fabulous pedestal to the level of an ordinary coward.
Try to find a new love. Under its rays, adultery will melt like March snow, and you will look at life with new eyes - the eyes of a free person.
And now, pure, immaculate and not defiled by secret fleeting meetings, love turns into sinful and forbidden. So, the love triangle - how to get out of it, is it necessary to go out and how to ward off an opponent or rival?
When I started dating a married man, it was very easy for me at first - I didn’t have any feelings for him. I thought, well, I'll take a little walk and quit. This has been going on for three years now. I fall asleep - I cry, I wake up - I cry. I want to die when he leaves. I tried to break up with him several times. They say time heals. But, the more time passes, the more you feel longing for your loved one. I have absolutely no choice: it is impossible with him, and without him it is impossible. You have no idea how hard it is to live with this pain in your heart.
We've been dating for 6 years now. All this is bad - I understand with my mind, but you can’t command the heart. We tried to break up many times! I went to another, but it did not grow together. During this time, a second child was born in the lover's family. My wife knew about me, she thought that if she gave birth, he would stop seeing me. But we began to meet often. I never climbed into their family and respect his wife that she never lowered herself and did not call me to sort things out. He tells me that for the sake of the children he will live with his wife. He never gave me hope, but at the same time he controls me, he is jealous. And I am very jealous of his wife, we have all the swearing about this! I try not to dwell on it, I have my own life, he has his own. I hope this ends sometime! I do not want to be a mistress, I also want a family and children. He is an egoist who cannot understand that I also want to be happy in the family.
She has always been a very strong person, before that she didn’t forgive betrayal ... she didn’t forgive lies - she kicked her out. But then the man of my dreams appeared, really the man I dreamed of. When he left his wife, everything was already bad for them and things were going to divorce, we immediately began to live together, I also broke off my long-term relationship. But it seems that men at the gene level have a “walk on the side”. I realized that he was cheating on me. I left without responding to him. But everything, like everyone else, returned, promised to stop, but I knew that this would be repeated. I got myself a lover - it does not help, at some point it becomes easier for you. My man even found out about it ... He is a terrible egoist and this has never been done to him. He drank, he cried, he asked me not to leave him. I saw a completely different man, to be honest, I even began to be disappointed a little ... But it all lasted about two months, it seems that then he decided to pull himself together and rushed .... drinking, partying, disappearing for a day, of course this mistress. I can say one thing, with age, self-confidence dulls. Nobody can really help. You need to pull yourself together, try to become cold-blooded and prioritize. Otherwise, you can say goodbye to your health. The most difficult thing is to cope with yourself!
But among lovers there is such an opinion:
I can only speak for myself, I have always been satisfied with the position of my mistress, I have never claimed more. The man must remain in the family. Moreover, a man should have two women, one beloved, the other - to relax, I myself am married and I know that it will be like that anyway.
In the same tops, Internet users give advice to girls:
It is only your choice, everything that happens in our life is only our merit or our omission. Get away from him before it's too late, destroy the life of his family and yours in the first place.
You are just wasting time, taking away your chance to be happy completely.
Someone else's wife is a white swan, and one's own is a black crow
A colleague told me this phrase when I asked him why men cheat on their wives? But let's read what men write on the Ykt.ru forums about how they got into the network of vicious love:
I am 32 years old, and I am a well-established man, I have everything I need for a happy and carefree life - a wife, whom I naturally love very much, children - whom I simply adore, my favorite job - which I earn decently, while receiving from her not a little pleasure, excellent friends, enough free time for spiritual and physical relaxation, in a word, it would seem, what else is needed for complete happiness? I am sure that family ties leave a huge imprint on all relations of spouses, ranging from simple, human communication, ending with intimate relationships. I assure you, we have no complexes, no prejudices, we are very pleased with each other so far. Despite 8 years of marriage, we love each other just as passionately as at the very beginning, but we want something more, it's hard for me to explain this.
I have mistresses. A mistress is a second youth, this is spring in January, in a word, this is a feeling that you cannot refuse and surrender to which you have no right to fully - family, children, circumstances. A mistress is a drama, anguish, passion, but do not confuse lust with feelings!
My sexual relationship with my wife has lost its sharpness, become less frequent, I'm just tired of my wife. I liked everything. Still these constant scandals between us. And I met another. She understands me, sympathizes, is ready to listen and justify any actions. She takes care of herself, unlike her wife, who has ceased to take care of herself, dress up, and paint. Next to her, I feel like a man, I feel that I am happy.
Judging by the tops, it turns out that male cheaters, unlike female lovers, are happy in most cases. Nevertheless, forum users advise the heroes this:
You are an egoist. In my opinion, you and your wife just need to either talk directly about your desires, or hint at it during intimacy, maybe she herself wants changes and is afraid to hint about it to you. Take the first step, otherwise she may find a lover, and the result may be disastrous. You have to make your wife happy, not your mistress or just yourself.
- Be careful, think about the consequences. Mistresses are vindictive if they don’t get what they want - they lie in wait for children, say all sorts of nasty things, call home, meet wives, and so on - this also cannot be discounted.
I also have a loving and beloved family - a wife and a son. There is also the experience of pleasant and enriching encounters with women. But, every day, realizing the diversity of life and trying to comprehend, feel and realize it all, you see more and more the one-sidedness inherent in all relations between people. And I want to take from life and give it as much as possible. But here's the important thing - in an effort to live to the fullest, you need not to hurt your loved ones, otherwise the spiritual connection with them, which is a huge part of your being, will be broken. The options are either to achieve a complete understanding of your position among your loved ones, or, in their complete ignorance, to fulfill your intentions, making every effort not to harm them. Of course, the personality of the mistress and her understanding and goodwill towards all sides of the triangle are of great importance.
Reasons for cheating according to sexologists and psychologists
There is no passion in the family. It seems that the husband and wife are on good terms, comfort, order and cleanliness reign in the house. They rarely even fight. The only thing missing in such a family is passion. And to get it, you need to try to create an "alternative family." The cheater likes this life so much that he doesn’t even think about whether it’s time to get out of the love triangle.
The family has problems. For example, the wife cooks well, but does not know how to serve herself in bed. Either the husband is good in bed, but an angry and callous person. To drown out the shortcomings of a partner, you have to start someone on the side.
Indecisive lovers. The relationships started on the side lasted so long that children had already appeared and a new family had actually formed. As a result, there was no strength left for someone to get out of the love triangle and return to their former life. Sometimes it happens that everyone is completely satisfied with everything, and first of all the one who started this whole adventure.
What to do if "horns" grow?
Lovers try to somehow justify themselves, suffer, toil, but continue to meet. I wonder if the second half knows about the adventures to the left of their husband or wife? Psychologists believe that they guess, but due to their capabilities they cannot do anything. The thing is that the intermediary of a love adventure is not going to leave either side. In other words, he is fine as it is.
Here is one of the tops on the local forum:
- Seeking advice. What to do in the case when the husband communicates with his mistress and does not want to leave the family? I'll tell you briefly my story, I found out 6 months ago that my husband has another and he loves her. I set a condition - either we or she. He stayed, but he does not want to lose contact with her, they communicate on the phone and possibly meet. I tell him: “Leave forever,” and the answer is the same: “I love my family more than her. She's just like a "friend". How to understand what to do, what to do?
And traditionally, the advice of the participants in the Internet discussion:
- Take it as it is. Let me tell you what I understand and do. And then it will be seen. While enjoying life, do what you love. Men look outside because they're bored. In short, for variety. No matter how much you feed the wolf, he still looks into the forest. Such is nature. It's terrible when young girls break up families, because you can't build happiness without someone else's misfortune. Everything boomerangs back.
But I do not agree that you need to reconcile. To reconcile in this situation is to agree that the husband lives in parallel with another woman. Declarations of friendship are generally ridiculous. Here is a typical case when a man is satisfied with the situation, and he does not intend to change anything. But it can't go on like this either. Come on, honey, tie up with "girlfriends" on the side, now you will be "friends" with me.
Become better than your opponent in every way. Take care of yourself, devote most of your time. Make-up, hairstyle, even the appearance of a home, all for yourself, your beloved. And if you love, you don’t need to drive your husband out of the house. Let him compare and understand who and what he can lose.
Throw him out, let him live with her. Show character, be firm, if he does not respect in a good way, then let him respect in a bad way. My husband also considered me a rag, he thought that I would cry and forgive, I would endure - just not to lose, but losing self-respect is worse for me than losing a husband, a father of a child, a family, having the status of a divorcee, the only source of income for existence.
In the eyes of your mistress, you look very pathetic. Men don't respect women like you at all. Because you don't respect yourself. “Because of the children,” you say. Children will not live your life, and you will not live their life. You decide: either live on your knees and endure, and or find the strength to get a divorce.
One woman also tried to squeeze into our lives with my husband. I understood this immediately from my husband’s behavior, but I know my husband well, I knew that he didn’t cheat, I immediately saw that a kind of hunt had been announced for him, she called him, looked for all sorts of reasons, hinted ... I saw his confusion, when making phone calls at home, he almost shuddered, ran to another room, and so on. Thank the Gods that I found the strength in myself and did not provoke, did not let myself be drawn into this game. Of course, I secretly punched her number, found out all the data, who she is, where she lives, where she works ... It turned out that my friend ... And I had no doubt that she knew perfectly well whose husband she was hunting for. The husband does not know this to this day. And I myself urgently began to live my life, I had a lot of things to do, some endless meetings, things to do in the evenings, quickly returned to my former gloss. The husband did not keep himself waiting long, began to call more often, nervous anxiety appeared, where are you, who are you with, and so on ...
After a while, I had a strange conversation with this lady, she honestly admitted that she wanted to put her hands on mine, but it didn’t work out, she said it turns out she really loves you, she admitted that she was jealous and that she would no longer seek him. Now I’m even scared to think what would happen if I let myself be drawn into this dirty game, if I started to arrange interrogations, if I started to accuse him of something, suspect, hint, scandal ... He would have a defensive reaction , firstly, secondly, he would begin to get nervous and annoyed, I would begin to turn into a vixen in his eyes ... And this would push him away from me, which means it would give that woman a chance. And I am a strategist and could not give her such a chic head start! Of course, in my heart I was very worried, I was indignant to the limit that someone dared to invade my territory, but I pulled myself together with all my strength, restrained myself ...
If a man really loves another, then nothing will help, whether you are a bitch, whether you try to be better, whether you have children, an established life, etc., it will leave sooner or later anyway.
Psychological advice: How to get out of the trap?
Getting out of a love triangle is not so easy - let's turn to the advice of psychologists:
To the one who changed
The cheater must first of all ask himself the following question: “Why do I need all this? What attracts me so much in these non-standard relationships? Of course, strong love can be the cause of the triangle that has formed, but often a fleeting infatuation develops into addiction when a lover (lover) begins to blackmail and do everything so that a person stays.
After at least an approximate answer has been received, one should ask one more question: “Which of them do I need the most?”. Understanding this is not easy, but it is necessary. It is clear that both will be liked, and in order to choose the one, it is necessary to make a list of the positive and negative qualities of each partner. It is also mentally worth imagining yourself with one or the other partner. Compare internal sensations.
Now it remains to do the last thing: to finally decide on the choice, and it should be directed only towards one partner.
A few small tips for those who have decided to get out of the love triangle:
Do not pay attention to the provocations of the offended and abandoned side. Threats, tears, screams and much more can be sent in your direction. Even if you have children, this is not a reason to continue the relationship.
If you are going to leave, then leave completely. No need to return for a forgotten notebook or out of habit to dial the number of an already former partner. Try to pick up everything at once so that you don't have a reason to come back again.
Do not drown out the emptiness and pain with alcoholic drinks and trips to entertainment venues. The best way to survive a breakup is to give all your strength to strengthening the family in favor of which the choice was made.
To the one who was deceived
To get out of a love triangle, you do not need to hope that everything will resolve itself. Maybe yes, maybe not. It is unlikely that you will want to become the hero of the next jokes, and to endure the “second family” of a partner is not the most pleasant thing. So, having learned about treason, you should not throw scandals and tantrums. In a calm atmosphere, inform your partner that you do not intend to be part of the family triangle and invite him to make a choice in favor of one of the parties.
To the one with whom they cheated
Say Stop! Yes, we fell in love, yes, everything is fine with you, but it was you who became the cause of the love triangle, and it is only in your hands to break this figure.
Talk to a partner. Explain to him that you can no longer live like this and are ready to get out of the love triangle if he does not make a decision in favor of someone alone. If such a relationship for you is just a way of self-affirmation, warn your partner in advance that your relationship is non-binding and that you are not ready to meet him on the threshold of an apartment with suitcases. This is necessary so that your soulmate does not make plans for the future, because without prospects, love does not exist for a long time.
Cheating is a forbidden sweet fruit, and everyone will decide for himself whether he has this fruit or not. But, having decided to change, think about what the consequences may be, and remember - by cheating on your partner, you are cheating on yourself first of all!
Often in families that are experiencing difficulties in relationships, a love triangle is formed, namely when one of the spouses has a lover. In most cases, a man becomes the initiator of the emergence of a triangle, and it is he who has a connection on the side, but there are also cases of female infidelity. Destroying such relationships can be very difficult.
Types and patterns of love triangle
Not all of these "figures" are the same. In psychology, it is customary to distinguish two types of such relationships:
- Two people are in love with a third person and are trying to win his love. In this case, the third may not have feelings for any of them.
- One person is in love with the second, and that, in turn, loves the third.
Both types are equally common. There are no statistical studies on this topic. There are also several models of the love triangle:
Who suffers in such a relationship
Always one or two participants love triangle suffer. Change may not last very long, but its consequences will be felt for a long period. It all depends on how emotional and susceptible a person is to betrayal.
One way or another, in a love triangle there will always be someone who will suffer from this state of affairs the most.
Ways to get out of the current situation
Participants in such relationships sometimes behave incorrectly in relation to their beloved or to their relationship on the side. Depending on which side of the "barricades" a person is on, his actions to destroy them also depend.
Wife's actions
Any woman can find herself in a love triangle. What to do in such a situation? The main thing is not to panic and follow some rules:
Not all wives know how to get out of a love triangle as a winner. Many make appointments with their husband's mistresses, arrange fights, showdowns, but this is fundamentally the wrong behavior, which will only provoke the rival and make the husband feel guilty before her.
Husband's reaction
Many husbands, having learned about the betrayal of their spouse, immediately file for divorce under the influence of emotions, because it is generally accepted that a woman is cheating because of stupidity, easy behavior and dislike for her husband. But this is not always the case. Many women are saved in the arms of another man from the harsh reality in which the husband does not pay attention to her at all, refuses sex and does not consider her beautiful, sexy. Many men believe that such relationships are quite normal, they still live like that, but as practice shows, none of the spouses of such families considers themselves a happy person.
If a man wants to save his family, then he must realize his mistakes and become more attractive to his wife than her lover. Then she will not need to go “to the left” and, most likely, relations on the side will quickly eliminate themselves.
Mistress behavior
If the wife is thinking about how to break the love triangle, then many mistresses are thinking about how to break up the lover's family and take him into her arms. But many women understand that such relationships in 99% of cases do not bode well and it is important to break them off as soon as possible. Sooner or later the secret will become clear and then avoid problems and condemnation of others.
It is difficult to get out of such a relationship, but it is possible, for this you need:
- Break off all contact with your lover and resist the temptation to call, write or meet;
- Find new hobbies and hobbies, try to take all your free time and thoughts;
- If possible, get out on vacation in another country or at least a city.
It is difficult to give up a relationship with a married man, especially if there is a strong affection, but you need to understand that a lover is a secondary role, and she will never be higher than her wife.
Resolve change problem sometimes it is very difficult, for this you need to be a strong and strong-willed person. But the one who adequately withstood such a test often lives a long and happy family life with one partner in the future.
A love triangle is a relationship model that, alas, is unlikely to lose its relevance. But if you approach the situation soberly and calmly, each wife from the “weak link” who is being cheated on can turn into the mistress of the situation. This process will be long and sometimes painful, but no one promised easy ways here.
1 2 3 ... 19
The theme of the love triangle is as old as the world, but it still seems to many that the “other woman” appears in the life of a married man suddenly and for no reason.
(Still from the film "About Love")
View gallery 1 of 19
Our March material on stellar ones made a lot of noise. We have been accused of everything - propaganda of adultery, trampling on family values, lack of female solidarity, in the end ... We will not justify ourselves: simply because lovers have destroyed and continue to destroy unshakably strong-looking unions for centuries.
It makes no sense to pretend that in our world all marriages are perfect, and mistresses are caricature-negative characters who, as in any fairy tale, are left with nothing at best.
On our forum there were, are and will be topics that wives give birth to, who suddenly turned out to be a “weak link” in their own marriage. “Who is to blame,” they usually don’t ask, although, according to psychologists, this is where we should start. But the question "What to do?" sounds all the way. With him, we turned to our constant expert, the mysterious Natalia R., the owner of the NR club, which is regularly visited by women who, at one, by no means perfect moment, became not the only and unloved.
In fact, we had a whole list of questions, but in the end we did not interrupt the monologue of our interlocutor, who knows not only the causes and consequences, but also the ways out of the situation. The proposed strategy allows a woman to return, if not a cheater, then something even more important - self-respect and self-confidence. We give the floor to Natalia R.
Karma is nothing
“In the collapse of the family, it is customary to blame the homeowner, who allegedly appeared in her husband’s life and led him astray, but everything is much more complicated. A mistress arises in a man's life for several reasons. The most common: one woman is not enough for him to fill his inner voids, to come into a state of harmony and peace - as I call it, "feed his inner dragons."
He receives something important from each woman, and they, in turn, can be several - two, three, four. The main thing is that this is how he achieves a state of comfort, and if he has reached it ... He will not leave this state.
"The world is driven by men for two reasons - it's laziness and the desire for comfort."
Another reason for the appearance of a mistress is that there has always been a place for her in the system of a man. Let me explain: if at least once he had a parallel relationship with two women and the subconscious whispered to him affectionately: “You are cool, you can ...” - then this scenario turns into a model of behavior.
I sincerely sympathize with those “lucky ones” who, using female charms, multiplied by the strategic abilities of Machiavelli, take men away from the family, victoriously anticipating a cloudless life in the status of a spouse.
“They do not understand that, having taken someone's place, they free their own - the place of a mistress. And it won't be empty for long.
Karma has nothing to do with it. If a man is used to having both a wife and a mistress, he will continue to live according to this scenario, even if the characters change.
“Well, what did he miss ?!”
Let's go back to the "dragons" that men feed when interacting with women. What do they need so that there is no desire to look for it on the side? It's just five things: calmness, comfort, safety, stability, predictability. A man who has all this will be difficult to take away from the family.
“If at least one of these five components is not enough for a man, its absence can push a man out of a relationship into the arms of a mistress.”
With calmness and stability, everything is clear, with predictability it is more difficult. She is often confused with everyday life - when a wife turns from a beauty into a person who has given up on herself. In fact, predictability is the understanding that everything can change in this world, but the wife's reactions, her support and love will remain unchanged.
A man needs to be surprised, but at the same time he must always feel that he will be accepted, embraced, wrapped in love. By the way, you need to surprise with a minus sign, take him out of his comfort zone so that he strives to return to this zone and appreciate it with renewed vigor.
“The aerobatics for a wife is to be predictable in the right sense of the word, but remain a mystery, a haze that a man wants to follow, despite the fact that you live together and know a lot about each other.”
And one more thing: a wise wife never puts pressure on a man emotionally, in no case compares him with other men in the style of “but Vasya ...”, does not try to make a decision for him, but always gives him this opportunity.
Two ways: accept or ignore
So, the moment has come: the wife feels that her man has another.
In fact, this is preceded by another important moment, when one side, the legitimate one, feels something and starts looking, and the other side really wants to be found...
“Sooner or later they may meet, or they may not. You need to ask yourself the question: “Am I willing to destroy my own relationship now?”. If the answer is yes, you understand all the risks, but you are ready for anything, then you can go on the warpath with a rival.
If you are not ready to destroy what is really expensive, it is better to stop digging. You need to look not for a rival, but for the reasons for the situation - and in yourself, and not in a man or the world around you!
The first point of the mandatory program is to pay attention to yourself, look in the mirror, face the truth. If you find out that a man conditionally likes “shameless redheads”, this is a signal for you first of all - try to find something in yourself that is consonant with this image, adjust it to suit you.
Next, I recommend making a list with a title that may shock at first: “What good do I get in a situation where my husband has a mistress.” No matter how cynical it may sound, but even in the most tragic situation there are pluses. In this one, even more so. You have a need to improve, and therefore, to become better.
The next question to ask is “Why am I in this relationship?”. Both of these lists have a powerful effect and help to bring order to thoughts and feelings.
“Summary: until the moment the wife raises the topic of infidelity, this situation does not exist for her.”
As soon as the wife indicates her awareness - and it does not matter whether she makes a fuss or cries quietly, she must understand: history will repeat itself and she will eat the same thing with a large or small spoon, depending on the appetites of her husband.
The first way is more environmentally friendly, and there are much more options for the development of events.
Action Program
Initially, you need to set goals correctly. It is much more important not just to “return her husband”, but to get out of the created dramatic situation as a winner, to become a self-sufficient woman who lives with a sincere smile on her face, with whom you always want to be near.
“The action plan is clear, complex, but doable: to realize the situation - to accept - to ask the question: “Why am I in this situation?” - to think over the work on the mistakes.
How to start this work? From their beliefs, in which they will have to delve into and uproot those that have settled, perhaps since childhood. Classic ones like “all men are theirs ...” need to be removed from your system once and for all - because in this way you project all this into your own life.
Take care of yourself, you need to develop. It is desirable without stopping - so that there is not a minute left to suffer and be offended by a man and the whole world.
Go to dance classes, enroll in make-up schools or foreign languages ... However, I don’t advise you to go to boxing: you need to develop female energy, and not pump yourself up with testosterone - the “testosterone” beauty will only repel real men. You need estrogen, femininity, fluidity. For me, here in the first place, of course, which make a woman a Woman with a capital letter. All men dream of such, and this is a real way to return and keep - of course, if at the same time you “pump” your own beliefs, getting rid of reproach, discontent and resentment that pull down with an unbearable load.
What will happen next if you follow this path step by step? At first, it will seem to your man that his life is a complete idyll: both his adoring lover and his spouse who does not rock the boat ... Which, meanwhile, is constantly changing, which he cannot fail to notice. It will take time, but the metamorphoses will not leave him indifferent.
“Meanwhile, reproaches will certainly sound from the“ left corner ”of the triangle: time passes, but nothing changes, and the lover remains just a lover ... She begins to annoy the man, while the wife becomes harmonious, confident, attractive attention of men to women
A wise woman will wait until the wheel has come full circle. She will never be a victim - and it is she who will decide whether to forgive or move on. Indeed, at some point, a woman who, thanks to her husband’s betrayal, has worked through all her mistakes and risen to a new level, it becomes unimportant whether this man or another will be next to her. Just because there will definitely be someone next to her. ”
